I'm a college student!

Well, kinda.

But I've got my own bed, a couple of roommates, friends, readings I have to do (New Zealand stuff)...I am living the life (of a Hendrix college student)!

Clarity of Memories

Darkness brought a clarity of memories that I've never experienced.

As though my physical presence no longer existed and it was just my intangible thoughts bearing any kind of existence. I was not an age, simply a glimmer of feeling from a different time, looking into the future, the now-present future.

Nothing made sense.

Everything made sense.

But it all disappeared when the lights came back on.

The Honeysuckles are in Full Bloom

Why doesn't everyone revel in that??

How can one just pass by without a pause to let the senses totally succumb?

Fear of vulnerability, I guess.

As I was driving to the store today, a curiosity popped into my head: when do people stop trying to enjoy most every moment in their life?

I had my music up loud, the bass making the windows vibrate; my fingers tapped the steering wheel as my shoulders and head bobbed in time; my voice mumbling the unknown words until the chorus came and I could shout every line.

With a quick glance around me (at a red light!), I realized I was the only one immersed in any sort of moment... everyone else faced forward, expressionless, seemingly emotionless. As if this daily routine had beaten them into submission, they were no longer in charge of their everyday tasks, the everyday tasks were in charge of them.

It's so simple, though, to make even the chores somewhat entertaining with music. It's one of life's blessings, that and the smell of honeysuckle.

So when does it stop, and why? Is it something you grow out of with age? Is it because it's reckless to listen to loud music while driving and as you gain years you realize recklessness isn't worth the fun? I vow to never stop trying to have fun, no matter my age. I'll be an 80 year old still listening to LMFAO bumpin down the street in my little red car! (Ok, so maybe this fantasy won't be totally accurate, but I'll strive for it.)

One speculation I had was that perhaps it was the trap of contentment. Nothing's really wrong in your life, and you're definitely not unhappy, so you just don't strive for much else. It isn't that you actively avoid being happier, you just don't realize you need to be reaching for something better.

My personal experience with this was being in a long-term relationship. I was so... content. I didn't think I really wanted or needed much else because everyday I was happy with how things were. It wasn't until after that relationship ended that I really had to push myself and find other ways to make myself enjoy life. And that search revolved only around me, who I am. It doesn't rely on anyone else, which makes the rewards that much better. I can say that I'm happier now than I ever was while in the relationship (excluding the first couple of months), again, not that I was unhappy, I was just too damn content! And I do not believe it was the relationships fault, I just let myself fall into the trap of contentment that is provided. I now know more about my self and what I will do in future long-term relationships so that I do not fall victim to the same fate.

But I think that's what everyone has to do. They have to overcome the routines, whatever those may be, and find the fun within themselves and bring it out. With the abundance of sensory overloads in this world, it shouldn't be TOO hard. ;)

Hendrix: the decision gets tougher

Stars and glitter and excitement!

That's what I saw when I opened my Hendrix folder after waiting eagerly by the door for the mail to arrive. Which it didn't until 5pm. That is uncharacteristically late... I think the fates were messing with me, watching me squirm.

Anyway, here's the big reveal!

I was accepted to Hendrix! (whoo, big surprise there, I know)

But my scholarship awards are as follows:

Academic Scholarship for 19000 per year, amounting to a total of 76000 after 4 years.

Odyssey Distinction Award for 5000 a year, amounting to a total of 20000 after 4 years.

So in total, I would be given $24000 per year! Which is quite the honor. But of course, tuition is still roughly 34500 a year.

I now have to wait for them to process the FAFSA and see how much financial aid I'm eligible for.

As if the fates also know how hard my decision already is, along with my Hendrix folder three pieces of mail from Eckerd came as well.

An invitation to the prospective students visit days. And two postcards.

From my admissions counselor:

"It was great meeting you and your mom during your Eckerd visit! Have a blast in New Zealand! Hope to see you on campus in the fall."

From my tour guide, Taylor (who I'm a little in love with):

"Kelly, I hope you enjoyed the tour as much as I did! Hopefully Kentucky isn't too cold? Feel free to email me with any questions you may have at ----@eckerd.edu"

I'm certain these postcards are standard for all visitors, but still, it's a really nice gesture that says good things about the school. Plus, for the past week I've been trying to find a current Eckerd student to talk to, but couldn't find anyone to email. Now you can be sure I'll be emailing Taylor with plenty more questions! haha. Poor kid, he doesn't know what he's gotten himself into. :p

Hendrix v.s. Eckerd. 24000 v.s. 16000. Mountains v.s. Beach. Me v.s. Who I Want to Be.

Honestly, though. Why does college cost so damn much? Knowledge should be FREE!

And one other fun update, I have my backpack for New Zealand! It's huge. As tall as me if it sits next to me, so I'm sure I'll struggle with some 'turtle on its back' syndrome.

The best part? It cost us nothing! I have to thank my dear friend Ellie who is letting me borrow it. Ellie is heading to Nepal tomorrow. I will miss her so much! Can't wait to share adventures when I come back in July.

Strange to think about how much will be different by July. My next four years will be somewhat planned... which makes me more uneasy than comforted. I enjoy planning as I go, being locked into something for any large length of time makes me nervous. I will have close to 5 months of individual world travel under my belt, I'll probably have new friends around the globe, most of my current friends will be sophomores, and I'll be 19!

Let the adventures and decisions begin!

P.S. ALAN RICKMAN! I SAW HIM! Seminar. NYC

Eckerd

Tears actually welled as I sat to dinner in St. Petersburg, reflecting on my day visiting Eckerd College. I loved it that much.

They say you have "the feeling," and I think I got it. I could actually see myself there, thriving, enjoying, enhancing my life.

It wasn't just that the campus was located on a bay, because, let's be honest, the "beach" they speak of is so small it hardly counts (to explain, they're on a large bay, so the bay is huge, but the actual area on the bay, with sand, is pretty tiny. There's also the waterfront, though, and that's the area where all the action happens.) It was just a feeling.

sail team in the distance

All of my fears about the school were completely allayed after my visit. Everyone I met there was kind and enthusiastic about their school. Most students we passed yelled "come to Eckerd, it's amazing!" Whereas all the other schools I visited Fall 2010 had students that acted as though I was just a little kid. As though, because they were in college, they had no interest in anyone younger than them.

Our tour guide was really friendly and honest. He put up with all my questions. ALL of them. And there were a lot. Ranging from: "how's the manageability of the workload" to "do students here walk around barefoot often?" And he talked about more than just the facilities... in fact he talked very little about the facilities, probably because the facilities are kind of run down. But honestly, that gave me a weird good feeling too. I didn't like how the other colleges were so pristine... like the patches of grass seemed so calculated! It's hard to explain. I guess this campus felt more lived-in.

There were students riding on skateboards everywhere you looked, there were a bunch of different nationalities (our guide was even Hawaiian but lives in Chicago) and personalities walking around, the food was not bad, there was a ton of wildlife everywhere, tons of creative outlets randomly strewn throughout campus, fire-pits behind every dorm complex, plenty of activities, the professors doors were on the outsides of the buildings, it was a very outdoor campus, it was 10 mins from a large beach, 10 mins from downtown St. Petersburg...the list is endless.

Example of said wildlife.

example of said creative outlet

And one of the home-runs was that during this whole year I've been plagued with both the desire to go to a small liberal arts school, but also go to a school in the city... and those just didn't exist. At least, I thought they didn't. Eckerd is so close to St. Pete's I could bike there. And I love the city! It isn't overwhelmingly big and cramped like NYC. It's much more similar to Portland, except with a few more options for the under 21 crowd.

My mom and I ate at an organic food restaurant and it was delicious! Some of the best food I've had in awhile. And then we stopped to get some Gelato, which was also divine. The other neat thing, a characteristic of FL that I actually like, is that everything is outdoors. There is indoor seating, but the majority of people venture to the sidewalk, where there are chairs and tables all over. You walk down a block and you see all these places to eat on one side, and on the other, all these people sitting out, eating good food, havin a good time.

Also, while we were eating, one of my favorite Sufjan Stevens songs came on, and I knew the fates were trying to tell me something. ;)

I may have found my dream school, but I'll have to visit Hendrix first, to see if I get the same vibe from it.

And then, unfortunately, there are finances.

I was awarded Eckerd's highest scholarship: $16000 a year! It's an incredible honor! But that's still just a small chunk of just the tuition, which is set at around $32000.

This decision is not going to be easy...

Leadership Scholarship Essay

Prompt:

An essay in which you address the following:

• a personal leadership statement;
• what you have learned about yourself and others from your leadership experiences;
• specific leadership skills and behaviors that you would like to develop while a student at Hendrix; and
• goals to be achieved while using your leadership talent as a Hendrix student

Boring, right?

Essay:

Leadership is perhaps best described as the ability to inspire others to work toward a common goal.

Inspiration moves.

That is why leaders, such as Martin Luther King Jr., were able to achieve goals of such great magnitude. He inspired many by setting an example and by teaching.

I aspire to lead by example.

Performing to the best of your ability not only brings rise to a plethora of possibilities for yourself, but also shows others that they themselves can accomplish more than they already have. In newspaper, this was a crucial aspect. Oftentimes staff members would write until all possible constructs of words seemed to have been used. Writer's block is a killer, especially when you're on deadline. For the editors, including myself, it was key that no matter how much we fantasized about throwing our keyboard to the ground, we pushed through our blocks and kept writing. If we were to succumb to the block, our staff members may believe that there truly was no way around it, and the printers would run without any copy. Our paper would be nothing but grey blocks. The blocks would win.

Through this, and experiences similar to it, I learned a very simple lesson. I can achieve much more than I think I can. The realm of possibility extends beyond the borders that I set for myself. You just have to push those borders.

I aspire to lead by teaching.

During my last stage managing gig, I had an assistant who was going to take over the role of stage manager during the coming years as I was graduating that year. The basics were easy to teach–this is how you take blocking notes, this is what you need to check before every performance, this is what you need to have handy at all times–but the biggest lesson was one I was just beginning to grasp myself: almost everything "impossible" only seems that way. During one performance of Bye Bye Birdie, an entire set piece collapsed in the middle of a scene change. A pause. An expletive. A moment when the show doesn't seem like it can continue. But you shove the actor onstage, pick up the broken pieces, and keep going. That was the lesson my trainee received that evening.

I aspire to lead by inspiration.

The most memorable leadership experience I have, however, is one in which I led my friend out of a very dark place. A few years after the fact, a dear friend of mine told me that one of the only reasons she had not ended her life was me. I asked her why, to which she replied that I inspired her, since I had, at one point, also been enveloped in the lonely black of depression, but I set the example that is was possible to push through it, and that I had taught her that no matter how impossible things seemed, the ability to keep going was always there.

I aspire to lead by lifestyle.

Leadership does not simply come with a title or position of power. Perhaps one of the most interesting things about leading is that you can be a leader without even realizing it.

I hope that the skills in leadership that I already possess and that I strive to posses will inspire others at Hendrix and beyond to lead by lifestyle as well. The common goal? A world without confines, without boundaries. A chain reaction of thought, choice, and action that defies the dark that seemingly blankets this earth.

Less boring, in my opinion. ;)

Irony

I'm sitting here, just beginning my leadership scholarship application (due tomorrow, shows you I'm not completely over this procrastination thing) and I get an email from Hendrix saying this:

Hi Kelly,

Our first Scholar Recognition Day is coming up on Saturday, February 18.

We hope you’ll be able to join us for one of these special celebrations with other members of the Class of 2016 who have been awarded Hendrix scholarships. We’ll kick things off at 8:30 a.m. with registration and a Student Services Fair in the Student Life and Technology Center. Throughout the day you’ll have the opportunity to learn more about Hendrix through roundtable-style discussions with current students and faculty, discuss options for financing your Hendrix education with our director of financial aid, meet the classmates who will join you at Hendrix next fall, check out your future “home away from home,” and participate in a special luncheon and certificate presentation.

Haha. I'm not entirely sure what this means since I have not yet received any notice of acceptance from Hendrix. But we'll see, eh?

Hendrix Campus