Sunday, August 18, 2013

That Beasts of the Southern Wild Paper that nearly killed me...

I just re-read it and didn't really understand what I was trying to say. hmm. How about you give it a go? !



Ephemerality Defined in Beasts of the Southern Wild

“When it all goes quiet behind my eyes, I see everything that made me flying around in invisible pieces. When I look too hard, it goes away, but when it all goes quiet, I see they are right here. I see that I’m a little piece of a big, big universe and that makes things right.“ Hushpuppy’s (Quvenzhané Wallis) final lines in Beasts of the Southern Wild summarize her recognition that ephemerality does not necessitate the mutual exclusivity of permanence and impermanence; instead, the idea of ephemerality pertains to the natural interaction between both what is eternal and what is fleeting. Everything that now is will pass in order to maintain the balance between creation and destruction. However, in passing, all that fades gives way to new births­–an infinite creation. Although this formation of the future from the present becomes an eternal web of connection among all that has been, all that is, and all that will be, the connections are subtle; and the inevitability of impermanence is so overt we often can’t see these subtle connections that endure even after death and change. Therefore, we feel a sense of loneliness and begin to fear loss as we undergo these constant changes that seem only to destroy our relationship with what has been. We learn to grasp everything –objects, memories, relationships, lives, moments through pictures and words, anything we can–in an attempt to prevent more loss. But it is not until we let go that we can finally discover how our one small piece connects with the whole of the universe. We are able to observe and experience this struggle to let go through Beasts of the Southern Wild as director Benh Zeitlin inserts us into this story and this world using techniques such as non-diegetic sounds and self-aware cinematography that help us foster a deep connection with the characters on-screen while maintaining an awareness of our own experience through this film.
            The audience is immediately brought into this journey with a moment to assess what we see “when it all goes quiet” as there is very little noise during the first two minutes of our introduction. Both dialogue and music are absent, we hear only the noises found in nature such as the rustle of wind or the chirping of a bird. Our senses are not immediately overtaken, and our awareness of ourselves remains intact so as the story progresses we experience the change, the emotion, and the empowerment, not second-handed through the characters in the film, but first-hand in ourselves. Through this, Zeitlin is able to impart the struggles and triumphs of letting go not only on his characters, but also his audience.
Zeitlin also utilizes the unsteadiness of a handheld camera to keep us aware of the camera and, by extension, ourselves. Because of this, we rarely lose sight of our own emotional experience and all that is felt and realized in the fictional world directly translates to our reality. For example, we experience a major insight–that we need not attempt to force a semblance of permanence since we’re all already permanently connected to the universe–not through Hushpuppy, but next to her, leaving us with a deeply-founded sense of connection to all things that were, are, and will be.
In order to lead his audience to this insight, Zeitlin uses a compilation of bold soundtrack, at times suffocating, then freeing mise-en-scene, and cinematography that portrays ephemeral qualities.
The struggle for permanence permeates this entire film. All of the characters have a large quantity of random objects strewn among the first half of the frames. In an attempt to gain a sense of control and add permanence to our lives, we collect objects which, being inanimate, are not subject to change. Hushpuppy collects all of the objects that used to belong to her mother in order to keep her mother with her in a tangibly permanent way. She eventually learns, however, that collecting tangible items is unnecessary since she is intrinsically connected with the whole universe and everything that made her. By the time she expresses this realization through her voiceover at the end of the film, “when it all goes quiet, I see they are right here,” the mise-en-scene is free of the clutter of seemingly permanent objects that she once felt she needed to stay connected. In great contrast to the opening scene that showcased piles of objects–tires, old cars, and scrap metal–the final frame showcases only the small community that Hushpuppy is now a part of while the background is washed out and completely free of objects. The contrasting mise-en-scene between the opening scene and the final scene visually portrays Hushpuppy’s ability to let go and finally see the inherent connections she has within herself and in her world.
Zeitlin creates for us the same feelings of struggle for permanence with the opening title sequence. The title suddenly appears on the screen and takes over the entire frame with its large bold font. In the same way, the music accompanies the title as it crescendos and almost overwhelms the audience with the loud repetition of strong sound. Both the title and the music work together to make their presence know and yet as suddenly and boldly as this sensory overload appears, it is gone. Zeitlin uses the opening title to alert us to the fact that no matter how big a presence something may have, and no matter how permanent it may seem, it will always disappear.
Although our instinct may be to attempt to strive against this impermanence in order to minimize loss, Beasts of the Southern Wild exemplifies how attempting to control loss will only make things more difficult. Hushpuppy does, to a certain extent, attempt to create a sense of permanence through the collecting of objects; however it is the rest of society, the “dry side” as Wink might say, that struggles the most to create a world in which everything is long-lasting in an attempt to rid themselves of, or at least postpone, loss. “They built the levee that cut us off,” the concrete, seemingly permanent levee that keeps the dry side safe from the water. Since the water represents change, in its own ability to change state and shape and in its power to implement change by many means including flooding, the dry side is also keeping themselves safe from change. When Hushpuppy and Wink sit on their boat and look at the levee, all the water… all the change is located on their side while the industrial side shows no hint of water, disrupting the balance between creation and destruction.
When we are then shown a closer look at the dry side during the scenes in which Hushpuppy and Wink are at the Open Arms refugee center, the dry side is shown to be suffocating. The color palate of the scenes in the hospital seems sickly, filled only with white and light blue, as green and other vibrant colors cannot exist on the dry side because water is needed for growth. Hushpuppy even describes the hospital as “a fish tank with no water” and without water nothing can change and everything remains stagnant. It seems, though, that this is that the people of the dry side desire. They attempt to prolong life by “plugging people into the wall” and preventing them from passing through their own natural change to death. Hushpuppy is also subjected to this suffocation after she struggles to help her father and is then put into the only tight outfit she wears throughout the film. Her collar is even tight around her neck and it seems as though she is literally being suffocated by the society on the dry side.
After feeling the suffocation of attempted control of death and seeing the pain her father experienced in the hospital, Hushpuppy finally realizes that her father truly is going to die. In the shot in which Hushpuppy peers into her father’s hospital room, the frame’s edges are of the blurred curtain, cuing us to the fact that we are seeing exactly what Hushpuppy is seeing. Therefore we are fully aware of Hushpuppy’s being witness to the torture her father was put through in forcibly being kept alive.
With this acknowledgment of soon-to-be loss, Hushpuppy fears being left with no one and she finally seeks out her mother and finds her in a floating crab shack which is perhaps the most overt visual metaphor for ephemerality in the film. The music is disconnected with both the action in the scene and the film as a whole. We hear a jazz tune that seems to come from a distance and when the camera moves through the room to show what Hushpuppy is seeing, she looks over at the singers but there is a dissonance between what we see and what we hear. The jazz song is also very different in style to every other song in the soundtrack yet we have heard it once before during Hushpuppy’s imagined interaction with her mother. This exemplifies the fact that this moment in time, or this moment in the film, is dream-like and separated from the urgency that saturates all else that Hushpuppy has been subjected to thus far and yet provides a connection of this place to her mother. The blurry lights on the walls and the faded lighting of this scene also help to show this moment in time as dream-like, and therefore brief or ephemeral.
This is the place, however, where Hushpuppy finds her mother and, in doing so, comes to realize that although everything is transient, she will still always be permanently connected to “everything that made her.” We are given a narration through mental subjectivity of Hushpuppy’s flashback to her birth that serves to remind her of her most obvious connection with her father–his hand in her creation. Perhaps she needed to find a tangible connection with her mother in order to realize this ever-lasting connection she has with the universe… she had to find what made her to feel that connection.
This newfound support gives her strength to be one of the brave ones who “stay and watch” the passing of the life that made her. She also now has the strength to face these monsters, the aurochs–her fears of loss and abandonment–head on. In one of the few medium long shots, we are able to see the proportional difference between the aurochs and Hushpuppy, how the aurochs size is daunting in comparison with this small girl, emphasizing the immensity of all that she, and by extension we, have to face. A shot reverse shot of a close up of Hushpuppy’s face and the Aurochs’ eye serves to enhance our understanding of their connection, as they see eye to eye and we can no longer compare their differences in size.
This shot reverse shot is similar to that of the close up shots from Wink’s face to Hushpuppy’s face and back again as they have their final moment together. The similarity in editing makes it known that at least one of the challenges she must face is her dad’s passing. The eye line match between Wink and Hushpuppy does not simply create a continuity shot; it also deepens the connection between them. The intimate close up of their faces also serves to foster both a visual and an emotional connection between these characters’ emotions and the audience. Expressed through tears, “no cryin,’ ya hear?” elicits the deep emotional reaction that is brought about from the pain of losing a tangible connection with a loved one.
The close up shot of Wink’s hand wrapped around his daughter visualizes the culmination of their tumultuous relationship. At first the only moments in which these characters touched were aggressive, but now a tender moment finally arises and Hushpuppy is held for the third time in her life. The importance of this final connection is made clear through the camera’s focus on Wink’s hand. This is how Wink departs. He and Hushpuppy are physically connected, helping to solidify the realization that this relationship, and all connections, can transcend death.
Hushpuppy demonstrates the strength that arises from letting go of the objects, the monsters, and the fears, and finally feeling the interplay between transience and permanence in her final scene. From behind the flames, we observe her watching her father’s body float away and although the flames seem to lick at her face, she stands tall and does not falter. This is in great contrast to the scene in which she originally fears she has lost her father and calls out to him, for in this scene she fades in and out of focus, becoming so blurred at one point that she is barely recognizable as even human. Previously she feared this loss and felt that she may also disappear, however now, the camera’s focus does not falter. We watch Hushpuppy move forward with great strength through the water that begins to thrash at her feet and hear her explain that “the scientists of the future are gunna know, once there was a Hushpuppy and she lived in the bathtub with her daddy.” She will not disappear. In one way or another, she will live on, just as Wink lives on through her. No matter what changes occur, she is now aware of both her own transience and her space in eternity, enabling her, and the audience, to persist even while experiencing great fear, great change, and tremendous loss. 


Sunday, July 21, 2013

You put your shirt on different than I

I'm a frazzled dazzled beast without the dazzle. I have no real reason to move and groove, but I do, along with my heart. There's a beat beat beat and I can't figure out why. So here's what I do, or what I try to do, or want to do... except I don't want so never mind. I try to throw myself around the world and find myself or a reason for that beating and I fail. I come back and curl up and continue to die without opposition except for my skin staying tight. I think and I think and that's all I can do. I can love sometimes, too, but I've been told if you can only love others and not yourself it's not worth it–so I guess that's wrong too.

What if all I want is to be a wife or a mother? It goes against everything I've lived for and I can't give in to that life that degrades women, puts them in their place, and gives me no life of my own. I must have been conditioned by society, family, you. Fuck you and fuck all of that I'll slap the pan out of your hand and watch the glasses smash. No really, that IS what I want! Go to my room and rip everything. Become my own tornado and create a mess I have to clean rather than a past I have to sort through.

I'm fluids and bones and brain and body. Or stars. Whichever it is I'm still heavy, I still sink with the weight of no desire. I've been told I should find God and then I will feel lifted. I've been told I should find God by people who don't believe. Perhaps that means I'm hopeless. My mind is infinite space and I can't see the end and I can't get it to slow down... like two mirrors looking at each other, parallel. I can get locked in there, amid all the words that only have the meaning I've been taught, I can't even twist my prison and decorate with fancy misconstructions of what is because all I have is input and any output from me would be the same. Adderral is scary for it makes me forget of anything outside my skull. Sometimes I don't even make connections between words.

I write like this because I think like this and it sucks for me and you. Maybe next time I will fit it into squares so then we can relate.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

A link to a classmate who keeps a better travel blog than I do.

Kristinmfoster.blogspot.com

I havent read it, so I'm not sure what she's captured-but it probably gives a rough outline of what's happened so far.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Hong Kong!

I arrived safely and on time here in our first stop of the journey last Wed, June 5. Tomorrow we leave for Macau, China and will have our first foray into mainland China. I've enjoyed HK, but I'm ready to see new things, and I'm learning things about myself that I hadn't yet known for sure... such as how utterly American I am, and how much I do not like cities! :p

As I said, I've liked being in Hong Kong, it is just too much city, and Liu Laoshi said most of China is made up of cities... but I think she means population wise. So, I'm certainly excited to go to Xingping, one of the few village destinations, but I'm thoroughly enjoying my experiences here. It's real fun feeling so foreign and seeing all the differences and learning what new things I like and what I really do not like.

I wish I could write more, for you and for myself. I've barely gotten a second to sit down let alone write about everything, so I'm afraid I will forget so much...but thus is life... ephemerality! Anyways, love you all. Half a week gone! Will write again once I get a chance.

Zaijian!

P.S. Lychee are SO MUCH TASTIER here. yumyumyum!

Monday, May 6, 2013

我爱你。您

I fell for you so fast, there wasn't even a start, it was just there, all along. 

There are few people who my soul attaches to in such a way. I can name perhaps two, three, one of them being you. 

But as quickly as I knew you, and my soul leaped and rejoiced and began to mold itself to become something different, something more than what it was to join in dance with your soul that floats so elegantly, we split and there was a slice down the middle as you kept moving and I stayed still, as I often do and as you need to. 

And now I feel loss. I suppose I do not need you, but I miss the movement I felt when I was moved by you. I feel a little stuck again, a little lost, a little more afraid of stepping out of where I am. 

I wish we could have stayed connected, and we tried. We said things, big things, but through the safety of distance... and time gets in the way of response so it was almost never said, or seems that way. The tree fell but there was no one around to hear, so it did not even make a sound. 

I want you to know, though, that I heard. I heard and I felt as I did the night we stayed up talking, kept away the demons and greeted the sun. 

I'm excited about your return, but I know it is bred in self-interest, my own longing to feel that movement again. And you've been changed by everything, and I have too, in my own way and I fear maybe these differing changes will not be relatable between one another. 

I guess I know, though, that I should not fear such things. Not with you. I know because I just know. 

Take your time coming back. I'll be here to experience this everything with you through new eyes. 

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Title Irrelevant


Study carrels provide a safety I can’t find anywhere else. You are in a room within a room within a room within a building and it is small. And the light is florescent. Anyways, you’re in here and no one disturbs you because, they just don’t. It’s accepted that this is a place of painful worship of… something…grades, learning, work.  I am there now and I feel kind of inhuman as I haven’t seen the outside of the library in a number of hours and have been living off of coffee and donuts so this is what I’m like WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! My mind is kind of everywhere, but also in one place. And I can focus quite well, if I try. All of this is like a drug and I feel high. But I decided to write whatever came into my head because that’s what they told me to do in middle school and I could never do it. But now, here I am, 7 years later, following their instructions, trusting in the “wisdom” of the teachers. Writing things down, though, changes your thoughts regardless. We can never express purity of thought. It is always transferred/translated through language, which is not pure, but rather, restraining. All your thoughts have to be squeezed into these boxes before they can be shipped out. You can mold the boxes a little bit, but you can never truly mold them exactly to your thoughts; maybe one day, but right now we/I don’t know how. I’d like to think if you knew ALL language there ever was you could express pure thoughts, but I don’t think that’s right either. And even if you could, no one else would be able to comprehend, and so you’re left with the same issue of translation to other people. I don’t completely agree with myself though. I think there are some times when pure thoughts/feelings/what-have-you are translated to other people without any mechanism for travel but I’m not entirely sure I could give an example of this (well, of course I can’t, that would go against my argument). I think I may post this to my blog, so in that case I will say HELLO ADAM (he told me to leave him a message) and I will also begin a new paragraph so that it is more reader-friendly.

            I believe that somehow my soul was imbued with some intense connection with Beasts of the Southern Wild. I guess I feel kind of odd that this happened with a MOVIE of all things, as you would expect your soul to be deeply connected with something that is living, but I guess, in some weird sense, the movie is living… it has a beat and a pulse and an idea and it changes as I change or as the time changes or as everyone changes. But I think that this infusement (ßmolding the box) of soul and movie occurred when I had to study it for my final paper in my intro to film class. This will sound dramatic, as it IS dramatic and unreal, but that class seemed to change my life but I do not know how. But I feel very different form how I did before I took it and the change feels very different from any other change I’ve experienced. So, that’s all I’ve got to show for backing up that dramatic claim, whatever though, I have to believe in something. This connection is NOT necessarily a positive one. I do feel as though I have some form of PTSD from writing that paper (this I have no boxes of translation for, you’ll just have to take my word). Yet, I also feel addicted. I watched the film in full at least 6 times and yet I still have an unending desire to let it move me and let me move it, with the analysis in my head. It may be the timing. The fact that I had to deeply analyze this film about (many things but one of them being) a daughter’s relationship with a dying parent and her ensuing struggle may be the cause. It’s right there… I’m right there. I’m fucking doing that and although I am not Hushpuppy, she is me. “If you’re gone, I’ll be gone too.” I never said that out-loud because I thought no one would hear me, but then Hushpuppy said it and so then, it was spoken, and people heard, a lot of people heard. “Everything loses the thing that made them, the brave men stay and watch it happen.” Thanks for the ridicule, Hushpuppy… you six-year-old child. I’ll try to be like you. I will try to stay and watch. I will find that fried alligator and I will feed it to the ailing... use it as an emotional panacea. Here’s the thing, no one will understand anything I’ve said about this, I’m almost certain, but that’s okay. Because no matter who leaves me or how alone I become I don’t think I will ever again feel loneliness in the same way because I have this soul-connection with this film (again MOVIE?!). It ripped me to shreds and I’m still whole. So I guess I can withstand most anything.

            I am in a bubble bubble bubble (that is so very much NOT reality) and I am not ready for it to pop. That’s why I don’t want to… erm, not about wanting, can’t comprehend Alex’s suggestion of running or rock climbing or any form of movement away from here because then it WILL pop. But it popping probably needs to occur. 

Friday, April 26, 2013

Remember this, Kelly.


 I destroyed myself over the last two days. 7 hours of sleep for two nights to share and a staple food of espresso. And one meal. carrots, sushi. But it didn’t matter what I ate since I couldn’t keep it in anyway. I got so stressed at 3 in the morning I puked. This all over one essay… or rather, this all over one attempt at some hint of perfection (of course. You fail.) Then a crash today… now… recently. All that hoopla (FUCKING HOOPLA) of wanting to die and looking for a knife or your own courage (or cowardice) to devise a solution to be gone and heaving on the stairs–sobs or tears or something–attempts at being alone but feeling surrounded but feeling alone. The thing is, between the heaves of the stomach solution and the sobs, many things felt right, sometimes more right than usual, better, even than usual, and at one point you THREW YOURSELF INTO THE AIR metaphorically IN EXPRESSION OF. So I guess that’s why you crashed. It’s okay now because you’re getting better at this. But dammit, I thought we learned. This is why we left. You gathered courage and strength and skill, so we came back.

Shut those beasts in the closet. Shower, rest.

Let’s not do this again