Well, almost.
In fact, I'm currently procrastinating studying for my finals, so this will probably end up being decently short, however, since i've already begun to feel withdrawal from Hendrix, I figured I'd write about it.
I'll start by saying I really hate certain parts of Hendrix.
I hate its location most. Conway is a more run-down, oppressive version of Bowling Green, but don't worry, it's only 30 minutes away from one of the most dangerous cities in the nation....
I don't get off-campus much because of that. Which then, in turn, makes me feel claustrophobic in this tiny campus with just enough faces for me to recognize all of them, but actually know very few of them. When I feel the claustrophobia starting up, I often desire to retreat to some inherently nature-y area to sit or walk, run, meditate, etc... examples of places such as this would be the woods, a beach, a field, any place without man-made light. Or I sometimes desire the solidarity of a city, with so many people that your existence barely even registers, but I can find neither here.
With so few people, I often feel as though I should know a vast majority of them, and yet, I still tend to be in the background of campus life. I will walk behind someone who knows literally everyone they pass, and although I recognize all of them, know roughly when they eat and where they live, I can't say I know who they are–not even as friendly acquaintances, and that often gets to me. But even so, there are still a ton of people here who I do not seem to gel with, for a so-called free-spirited liberal arts college, it's surprisingly cliquey and close-minded. I can't tell you how many times I've brought up some of my wacky ideas only to be told "please don't do that" ex. growing a soul patch or dying my armpit hair a bright fun color, or even the super-tame, not shaving my legs.
Also, the majority of people here party stupid. I like to party! I do! But not the way these kids do it.
Lastly, I still don't know if I fully fit here–some days it feels completely wrong, others it feels pretty great. It's a hard balance when so many people are running around you screaming: it's my home! it's my home!
All of this, however, does not override the immeasurable joys I have felt here.
I've done more expanding of my soul here than I have anywhere else, and it has only been one semester. I'm getting more and more in-tune with my spiritual self, which, though often terrifying, is enlightening and wonderful at the same time. I'm learning more about what my deeply set values are and what I may truly enjoy doing later in life. After a year of real-worldness, I've rediscovered my absolutely illogical up and crazy child-like silliness (which some may call insanity). It is a part of myself I was afraid I had lost when I was out there on the rd, striving to live on my own, perhaps a little too hard.
My professors, most that I have encountered anyway, are absolutely incredible. I had a wonky time this semester balancing my college world and my family world as I had a lot of responsibilities back at the home-front, and they made everything as smooth as possible. My journeys professor, who I was blessed to be assigned to, sent me a book "The Anatomy of Hope" while I was at home caring for my mother after her surgery. They have been nothing but kind and helpful and open to me as a person and not just a student, which is something that I cherish above all else. It actually pains me to have to say goodbye to them this semester, not knowing if I'll have any classes with them in the future. All I can do if send them a thank you card and hope I can convey how much they meant to me (which may not come across since I'm so quiet in class). My journeys and intro to cultural anthropology classes are the two that blew me away.
Finally finally (I knew it would be a lie when I wrote that thing about this being short), the friends I have made here are indescribably incredible. They may be few, countable on one hand even, but I would say it is another testament to "the fates" and serendipity that we ended up together. We have so much fun together, even on the lamest of days; we help each other out in times of need, at least as much as we can; we spend pretty much every day together and still walk into each others' rooms in the mornings just because we enjoy the feeling of being around one another. I share my life with these people, and in turn, they have shown me parts of myself that I never knew. The other day I was having a strange as day and Caiti and I took a walk for hours, it started pouring and we skipped and jumped and climbed on giant mud piles, talking about such a range of topics that in the same conversation I felt a pang of gut-wrenching sadness and a stitch in my side from laughing so hard. It was an experience I can't say I've had with anyone else, and as she leaves for Morocco right after the holiday festivities, I have two more days to hang out with her before she runs off for 9 months. It breaks my heart.
Even leaving my dearest dorm-mates for one month breaks my shattered little heart! After the dreadful ending my last relationship had, I feared a loneliness and lack of love, however, these guys have increased the love in my life tenfold. I feel as though I've known them my whole life, and I hope they know that now that they are in my life and I have fallen in love with them so deeply, they will always be a part of me. One month. Just gotta push through it. I keep threatening to stick them all in my car and bring them home with me. Paradise...actually gather them and my BG friends, and we all arrive in NZ–that would be paradise!
Because this is ridiculously long, I will cap it now.
And leave you with one last tidbit:
All of these things–the learning, professors, and friends–make this place very worthwhile. And it certainly doesn't hurt that Macklemore and Ryan Lewis are coming to perform for us next spring! !
