1 semester down

Well, almost.

In fact, I'm currently procrastinating studying for my finals, so this will probably end up being decently short, however, since i've already begun to feel withdrawal from Hendrix, I figured I'd write about it.

I'll start by saying I really hate certain parts of Hendrix.

I hate its location most. Conway is a more run-down, oppressive version of Bowling Green, but don't worry, it's only 30 minutes away from one of the most dangerous cities in the nation....

I don't get off-campus much because of that. Which then, in turn, makes me feel claustrophobic in this tiny campus with just enough faces for me to recognize all of them, but actually know very few of them. When I feel the claustrophobia starting up, I often desire to retreat to some inherently nature-y area to sit or walk, run, meditate, etc... examples of places such as this would be the woods, a beach, a field, any place without man-made light. Or I sometimes desire the solidarity of a city, with so many people that your existence barely even registers, but I can find neither here.

With so few people, I often feel as though I should know a vast majority of them, and yet, I still tend to be in the background of campus life. I will walk behind someone who knows literally everyone they pass, and although I recognize all of them, know roughly when they eat and where they live, I can't say I know who they are–not even as friendly acquaintances, and that often gets to me. But even so, there are still a ton of people here who I do not seem to gel with, for a so-called free-spirited liberal arts college, it's surprisingly cliquey and close-minded. I can't tell you how many times I've brought up some of my wacky ideas only to be told "please don't do that" ex. growing a soul patch or dying my armpit hair a bright fun color, or even the super-tame, not shaving my legs.

Also, the majority of people here party stupid. I like to party! I do! But not the way these kids do it.

Lastly, I still don't know if I fully fit here–some days it feels completely wrong, others it feels pretty great. It's a hard balance when so many people are running around you screaming: it's my home! it's my home!

All of this, however, does not override the immeasurable joys I have felt here.

I've done more expanding of my soul here than I have anywhere else, and it has only been one semester. I'm getting more and more in-tune with my spiritual self, which, though often terrifying, is enlightening and wonderful at the same time. I'm learning more about what my deeply set values are and what I may truly enjoy doing later in life. After a year of real-worldness, I've rediscovered my absolutely illogical up and crazy child-like silliness (which some may call insanity). It is a part of myself  I was afraid I had lost when I was out there on the rd, striving to live on my own, perhaps a little too hard.

My professors, most that I have encountered anyway, are absolutely incredible. I had a wonky time this semester balancing my college world and my family world as I had a lot of responsibilities back at the home-front, and they made everything as smooth as possible. My journeys professor, who I was blessed to be assigned to, sent me a book "The Anatomy of Hope" while I was at home caring for my mother after her surgery. They have been nothing but kind and helpful and open to me as a person and not just a student, which is something that I cherish above all else. It actually pains me to have to say goodbye to them this semester, not knowing if I'll have any classes with them in the future. All I can do if send them a thank you card and hope I can convey how much they meant to me (which may not come across since I'm so quiet in class). My journeys and intro to cultural anthropology classes are the two that blew me away.

Finally finally (I knew it would be a lie when I wrote that thing about this being short), the friends I have made here are indescribably incredible. They may be few, countable on one hand even, but I would say it is another testament to "the fates" and serendipity that we ended up together. We have so much fun together, even on the lamest of days; we help each other out in times of need, at least as much as we can; we spend pretty much every day together and still walk into each others' rooms in the mornings just because we enjoy the feeling of being around one another. I share my life with these people, and in turn, they have shown me parts of myself that I never knew. The other day I was having a strange as day and Caiti and I took a walk for hours, it started pouring and we skipped and jumped and climbed on giant mud piles, talking about such a range of topics that in the same conversation I felt a pang of gut-wrenching sadness and a stitch in my side from laughing so hard. It was an experience I can't say I've had with anyone else, and as she leaves for Morocco right after the holiday festivities, I have two more days to hang out with her before she runs off for 9 months. It breaks my heart.
Even leaving my dearest dorm-mates for one month breaks my shattered little heart! After the dreadful ending my last relationship had, I feared a loneliness and lack of love, however, these guys have increased the love in my life tenfold. I feel as though I've known them my whole life, and I hope they know that now that they are in my life and I have fallen in love with them so deeply, they will always be a part of me. One month. Just gotta push through it. I keep threatening to stick them all in my car and bring them home with me. Paradise...actually gather them and my BG friends, and we all arrive in NZ–that would be paradise!

Because this is ridiculously long, I will cap it now.

And leave you with one last tidbit:

All of these things–the learning, professors, and friends–make this place very worthwhile. And it certainly doesn't hurt that Macklemore and Ryan Lewis are coming to perform for us next spring! !

Getting to Know the Rest of Me

Since graduating high school I've had to fight everyday for the desire to live. Now, this sounds extremely morbid, depressing, and some would probably even opt to stick me in an institution. But it is not as it sounds.

All that means, really, is that I keep coming up with this desire to live out each day and continue exploring my future. Why there was such a shift since high school, however, is simple. While in high school, and all the time before, my life was pretty much laid out for me, and any life beyond that was the future...the future that would seemingly never come, and therefore it did not even exist in my reality.

Many ask me why I took a gap year, that is partially why. Thinking about college was thinking about the part of my life that didn't even exist, therefore, it was impossible to do. That is also why most of my gap year was made up of "oh, I guess I ended up here" moments that taught me to trust in myself, and in "the fates" whatever they may be.

But even with that trust, I feel as though I am in a weird abyss. I do not know where I am or where I am going, all I know is that I am not "there" (high school and prior) anymore, and I will not go back "there" ever again. The few things I have to cling to for reassurance to a linear path is my family (though that's kind of exploded and shattered and changed in ways that I can barely comprehend), my friends (though I've learned that although friendships may last forever, they will not always be able to hold you up and keep you going as they used to), and college (which I struggle with far too often. I am content there, not happy. And that alone makes me sad). So, what I'm left with is myself. Oh goodie! Just me, myself, and I in this no-future abyss. It's terrifying. I guess I kind of understand more fully now why people desire to marry-then it's not just you, you've got a partner in crime, and if you've got a good one, that partner will help teach you how to love yoself!

But since I do not have such a partner, I must teach myself how to love myself and that process must start by getting to know me. It is now a necessity. A survival strategy, if you will.

That is why I am kept up at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering on all the possibilities that life has to offer, and once my thoughts breach the confines of American cultural concepts, I'm overwhelmed and eventually shut it all off. Sometimes it is easier to keep myself in the dark. Sometimes once I begin to wonder, I realize I will end up a lonely prostitute living on the streets... which is not an altogether bad scenario, as it would certainly be interesting, but as you can imagine, is not quite where I would like my life to go. So with that one, I often lay awake in fear until my eyes relent, and I sleep.

But that is also why I wake up every day and [usually] am overjoyed to see that my life is continuing. I get to explore my undiscovered day like it is unchartered territory. And everyday I get to turn the unknown future into a conquered memory of the past.

It is always scary. It is always rewarding.


This view of time makes heaps of sense to me:

"You are in the middle of a river (Time) and facing downstream. The future approaches you from behind . . . only to recede into the past, which actually lies in front of you, moving ever farther away. If you could look far enough downstream you would see the beginning of the stream and, in essence, everything."

The Ultimate Irony

Perhaps you have to be in less-than-ideal situations in order to appreciate what you love most. It always seems to be while I am in school that the beauty of nature smothers my heart. Only when I do not have the time to sit and think of nothing but the breeze caressing my skin do my eyes brim with tears when I feel its weightless touch; and only when I have hours of work to complete do I steal quick visits to a shaded area just to hear the rustling of the birds in the branches up above.

I am sure that if time were in abundance, these things would become commonplace and the smell of the sun would no longer linger at the tip of my nose. Why should this be? The ultimate irony–that the forbidden is always the sweeter. Perhaps this is where the dissatisfaction with life is born. A longing to love what is, but an eternal desire to have everything but. 

You can see it too, I'm sure, in many things in your life–materials, knowledge, love, power, emotion, money, strength, time, family....

So I spose that is now my challenge, to follow the timeless advice to "appreciate what you have." 

I would venture to say, this is my hardest challenge yet. 

But don't get me wrong, I will never stop seeking the experience of a beautiful day. 

Life Won't Slow

You wouldn't believe me if I told you the number of times I've sat down to write an entry in here about Hendrix, but have then been distracted by other things (and sometimes, the "other thing" is homework, so that's good at least.)

But because I, as usual, have very little time to devote to this quick little post mostly just mentioning that yes, I do plan to keep up with the blog, I'm going to sum up my first week with the titles of my almost blog posts.

Home again

The fake reality of OR week

My orientation is better than your orientation

Communication is... hard

Leave of Absence

Friends Friends Friends

I'm Lame...

Withdrawn from Hendrix!?

Too Much Awesome to Comprehend!

Ultimate Frisbee, Hendrix Ambassador, ECC, Eco House, No Fear Interactions

Stress Persists

Back to Lame...

Rethink. College=Awesome?

Disoriented. Still Lame...

So, as you can probably glean from the constant switch from sweet as to much-less-than amazing, it has been quite a ride. 

Currently about to enter my second week of classes and feel disoriented, lame, lonely. Perhaps tomorrow I will be on top of the world.

Vroom Vroom!

Last weekend nearly beat me to the ground, it was so packed! But I came out of it with a totally new and adventurous skill!

Friday night I went in for the first of three motorcycle classes. I walked into the classroom and everyone became silent, assessing why this young girl had just walked into the room. More confusion seemed to appear on their faces when the teacher asked who hadn't ever ridden a motorcycle, and I was one of two to raise their hand. After that first class I walked out feeling very self-concious. Excited about what I was about to learn, but out-of-place, none-the-less. Would I slow everyone else down? Would I make a fool of myself? Would I fall? Would I even pass the class?

The next morning, after a mere 4 hours of sleep, I rose at 5 am and went to the riding range behind the old strip mall on campbell ln. The bikes were set and ready, and when asked to choose one, I just walked to the one closest to me (all but 2 were standard) which ended up being a kawasaki standard. That was the beginning of a whirlwind relationship.

I dreaded the time when we would actually get on the bikes and ride, for I was sure I would fall or just not be able to go. And what with all the gear shifting and clutch and throttle...it was so much to remember! We started by walking with our bikes in the friction zone of 1st gear, and then riding slowly in the friction zone of 1st gear while giving a little throttle. I stalled out quite a few times, but eventually rolled on that bit of throttle, released the clutch, picked my feet up, and before I knew it, was riding!

The rest of the day built on each previous exercise, and I quickly learned how to shift gears, make sharp turns, come to quick stops, weave, and heaps more. It was grueling, though, since we spent hours at a time on the hot hot blacktop in 95+ heat. We broke for lunch at 11, rode for another 1.5 hrs, and then the one other woman who hadn't ever ridden fell on a turn and asked if we could go back to continue the classroom activities.

We finished the day at around 3:30 and afterwards I immediately went to visit Dare, who I hadn't seen since right before I left for New Zealand! From there I rushed home to get ready to see the screening of Beasts of the Southern Wild in Nashville. Alison, Kate, and I drove there and enjoyed the film and were able to meet Dwight Henry, who plays Wink. We made it back home at around 11, at which point I jumped into bed and immediately zonked.

The next morning I forced myself up at 5:30. It was a long battle of "no, I'm not going in today, I've already learned a lot." But I got back on that bike and attempted to do an S turn inside of a rectangular perimeter. I failed pretty miserably every time. I no longer felt comfortable on the bike and even giving it throttle was difficult. Although I was thoroughly frustrated with myself, I continued on, and eventually got warmed up. The bike and I again became one. If you've seen avatar, when they choose an animal and attach themselves to it and the two become one––I'm positive they got that idea from motorcycles.

Around 10:30 evaluation time came and the final evaluation exercise was the S turn in the rectangular box. Oh that dreaded enemy. I tried it once and put my foot down to keep myself from falling. I tried it again and went out of the box on the beginning of the S, I tried it a third time and went too quickly getting back to my starter position and went out of the box. I kept the joke in my head that I just wasn't meant to be kept in a box. And on the fourth try I made the first U turn successfully, and the second I just barely touched the line, but succeeded in staying within my perimeter!

That day ended at around 12:30 after a written test and a few congratulations for everyone had passed, including me!

I'm extremely glad I put myself through that experience, for now I have a new, extremely fun skill! I just need a bike so I can ride!

My Hidden Secret

I might-as-well fess up.

I'm feeling very strongly like I made the wrong decision in schools. I dread going to Hendrix and spend most of my time fantasizing about moving to Eckerd in the fall instead of Conway, AR.

Perhaps it is just a case of craving the unattainable, but I can't shake it.

Boo. It just really sucks.

Oh well...

Return to a Foreign Land

I do not know what time it is. All I know is that it is dark and that it smells different. Looks different. Sounds different.

To be honest, I didn't know quite what to expect when returning. I even thought I may not get hit with reverse culture shock since, yes, New Zealand is a different country, but it isn't THAT different. It isn't like returning from Nepal. :p I thought it may be similar to when I returned from Channery Hill since I'd been gone with a similar time-frame, however, I was very wrong.

I walked into my house like a tourist. Everything was new again. I meandered down the hall, taking in the pictures, the paint on the walls, even the creaks the floor made when I stepped on them. It was like walking into a hazy memory. Surprisingly, I was most shocked by my room. I did not recognize it at first, but gradually the smell reminded me it was home.

I believe that perhaps one of the reasons readjusting after coming home is so hard is because when you're traveling to a new country, it is expected that you get used to new things slowly. People know that it may take a few days or even a few months to readjust to your surroundings. When you return home, though, it is expected that you plop right back in, becoming readjusted the moment you step out into your home country's air. But everything is new here, too. And people forget that, or have never known that as it is impossible to understand the way your home becomes foreign unless you've been away for a long while.

So even though my clothes feel restricting, hot, and dirty, I cannot remove them as I am stunned into inaction. I finally took a small tour around the outside of my house to reacquaint myself with Kentucky air. This is perhaps one of the strangest things for me since all of a sudden I went from winter to summer, where the air itself keeps me warm, too warm, in fact. I did not have the bridge of spring to prepare. Though I do feel more content out here. I can, in a way, still feel New Zealand when I'm outside-although it is hidden among the thick muggy atmosphere of the south. Still, I know it is there. 'Twas confirmed when I looked up and saw a shooting star, which I now associate with the deep NZ skies.

Coming home quickly showed me how different I now am. That too, is overwhelming. But, in a good way. I am no longer afraid of many things: being alone, walking down the street at night, dark shadows...though I still hate mosquitoes (mozzies).

With all of this, I can feel my heart beating 1000 times per minute. It beats because everything is familiar in a way that seems lost. It beats because when I smell the hot night air my mind and heart erupt in vivid memories of past summers that will never return. It beats because I feel as though my home has turned into "the persistance of memory" and I am walking through it. It beats because I am excited.

About seeing everything in daylight-
About each new day where I can explore the unfamiliar familiar-
About learning something new about myself-
About continuing my travels, right here in my backyard... literally.

I am excited.

Oh, there is so much to explore!

In LAX

Sitting in LAX about to board my flight to Denver. I'm back in the USA. I just smile to myself, laugh a little, and turn my face into my palms so no strangers can see my tears. I did it. I went to NZ. I thrived. I'm back.


 Wow

This should be profound.

But I don't think I can muster it. If only because I feel so incredibly anxious about going home, I'm not quite in a "reflecting" mood since that will just increase my sweat.
I think I actually feel more anxiety about going home than I did about coming to New Zealand... I don't know how it turned out that way since for so much of my trip I dreamt of the day I could go home and be embraced by familiarity.

Now that it is here, though, I feel a foreboding sense of dread. Perhaps it's because it's no longer just a distant dream, and since it has now become reality all those cute little fantasies of arriving in the airport are replaced with surreal images of me sitting in my living room a week from now, looking through my New Zealand photos while, in the next room my mother rests after her chemo treatment. I stay on the couch all night as most of my friends are out of town and the few that aren't are at a Televermin concert, which I will refuse to attend because it's too frustrating trying to fit my new self in with my old life... especially since my old life has moved on without me anyway.

Before now I pictured home as it was a few years ago, not as it is now. The same problem occured when I worked at Channery Hill. I'd always picture home as it was when my parents were still together and before I'd had a broken heart-which seems to take another beating everytime I return. But upon my arrival, time catches up with me, and I realize what I was really looking forward to were only memories.

I suppose this time I'm just trying to prepare myself for hitting that wall of realization.

Here's another aspect of why I may be so anxious:

When coming to New Zealand I had a return ticket. Going back to the US... well, if anything I have a "you must stay" ticket in the form of a college enrollment. I've checked out the Hendrix 2016 facebook page and it is absolutely overwhelming. So many of my classmates "can't wait till Aug. 14!" And they've all been keeping up with orientation details and meeting eachother and e-mailing their roomates... I feel so estranged. And if anything, their eagerness annoys me! There's a little voice in the back of my head saying, "don't you know how much work you'll have to do! How stressed you'll be! How little time you'll have! Stop wishing away your free time!!"

It will be an entirely different world for me. Here, life had very few obligations and I didn't have anyone putting pressure on me to excel academically (which, btw, always ends up being me). And I still sometimes wonder if I would have felt this un-excited if I had chosen Eckerd. But, I have my reasons, and I think with those reasons, I made the right decision.

And the final, obvious reason for my anxiety, is massive international plane travel including immigration and customs. If I actually make it to Nashville by my scheduled arrival time, it will be a miracle.

But enough. Although I spent this entire blog post explaining why it is I may have these negative feelings about coming home, I will wrap up by saying, I am still excited about seeing all of those people I've been missing for so long, even if it means struggling with life dramas. I love you all and I've missed you incredibly. I just wish I could gather you up and bring you into this mostly care-free world. Perhaps it would cure all the broken hearts, all the diseases, all the debt, and all the fear that is amoung us.

This trip has taught me, amoung a vast amount of other lessons, that life doesn't have to be so serious. It's just one life. We all live and die and what happens in between is ultimately irrelevant (except in relation to our mother earth, in which case, we should refrain from hurting her). So have fun, revel in love, take it slow, be kind, and just let the road take you. 

And I spose I should remember that, too. My road isn't ending, it's just becoming a little less foreign.


Until I see you, tomorrow (ish),

my love is sent.



SWEET AS, BRO

New Zealand birthday

Let me first say this: how the hell did I get to be 19?!? It's all downhill from here. No longer looking forward to getting older. I fear 18 was the last birthday I actually looked forward to. And as I always used to tell melanie and fanny-"I do not have time!" In any case, my first day of being 19 was pretty beast. Certainly wasn't Fiji, but I think it worked out how it was supposed to as I was able to have some serious one-on-one time with New Zealand, who's been my home for the past 4 months. The day started off pretty lame. It was storming and I had to go out and feed the chickens, then do my usual cleaning chores which today included cleaning the bathroom. Once I finished with all of that I curled up on the couch with some tea and watched the rain and felt a slight bit of pity for myself-being all alone on my birthday. The pity quickly ended once I realized that this was the scenario I'd been wishing for the entire time i'd been traveling-to be able to curl up in a warm home by myself and listen to the rain. Then I enjoyed it! When the rain came to an end, I took my chance and hiked up to the top of mt. Manganui, waiheke's highest point. Unfortunately I didn't know the best way up, so I ended up climbing through the bush. Some parts were so steep I was crawling, other times the bush was so thick I'd have to squeeze myself between branches. It was an interesting journey, but not altogether pleasant, especially since everything was still wet and muddy from the rain. You know what I'm goin to say right? "but boy, was it worth it!" I've shed a lot of tears in NZ, but most often because a sight takes hold of my gut and I have no way of expressing my awe in any way other than through my eyes. This was no exception. I could see everything-the entire island, other islands like rangitoto, the mainland and Auckland city, oceans, boats, trees, mountains... I just sat for a long while. Let the clouds pass through me as though I was air, let the wind hit my face and rustle my hair. I felt home again, on top of waiheke island. Perhaps the best part was the rainbow across the way that seemed to stretch from space to the sea! It was massive. I've seen heaps of rainbows in my 19 years, but this was by far the most spectacular. I finally went back to the house and made dinner for the boys who arrived home with presents! Rachel and Gabe gave me a box of delicious praline chocolates and my very own bottle of Pinot noir from Marlborough. After dinner there was even cake, nothing special-just supermarket cake, but it was delicious. And the boys sang me happy birthday before eagerly and ferociously blowing out the candles (read: spitting on the cake) hah. After cleaning up and watching the girl with the dragon tattoo with Gabe, I had a bit of time to reflect. And in that time I felt nothing but appreciation and excitement for what this year might hold. The only sad part is I won't be in NZ for much of it, which is now a thought that actually makes me sweat. I spent many days looking forward to arriving home, but now that it's in just a couple days I feel nothing but anxiety. I'm sure by the time I'm actually on the plane, that'll go away. Yet still, I can't help but feel a little trapped about coming home since once I'm back I'll only have a little over a month before school starts, which, I'm sorry to say, I am not looking forward to one bit. But I Spose it all comes down to just me not wanting to go back to real life. NZ has been a dream, and with the success of my birthday, it only makes it harder to leave. All this for now. Until Friday, my love is sent. See you all soon!

Final week

Here we are, now at the last week of my New Zealand adventure. I believe I did a pretty good job of explaining my feelings about that in my last post, so in this one I'm just going to look ahead for what's gunna be happening this week.

Yesterday, as I was on my way to the IEP office after a stop at an old-style cafe where I sipped on a moccacino and read the NZ times, I looked across the street and saw a familiar face-Andre! He's the one who had nearly sliced off his hand. It was extremely amusing to me since during our goodbye in Kerikeri he told me that he just assumed that we'd see eachother again, probably in Auckland since that's just how things seemed to work around here. I laughed, but was pretty sure our paths would not cross again. But look at that! He was right... oh what a crazy world. We had a short chat before he hopped on the bus to go to the airport, and this time it was another forever goodbye.

The forever goodbye is awful. While you're going through it you keep telling yourself that you aren't going to see them again, but you never actually beliveve yourself until their gone. And then it hits you that this person with which you spent many months with and created a deep connection with is going to be out of your life forever. But I always end by saying that our paths may cross in future travels, and that is entirely true. The world is a big small place, with surprises around every corner.

Today I will say bye to George and that will be my final painful goodbye. But then tomorrow I am off to waiheke island to wwoof for a small family until the 6th of July! My least favorite part of traveling in this way is over!! I hated not knowing where I was going to sleep the next night, and often having to plan the day as the day comes. A bit of that is good, but not when it is a constant and involves where you're going to live. I'm now totally set until my departure for home. SWEET AS!

Unfortunately, the home I'll be staying with isn't absolutely supreme, in that they basically just want me to help the husband with the kids and the housework while the wife is away for her work. I'll be alone throughout most of the day since the kids will be at daycare and the father will be at work. So I may end up having a very self-reflective birthday. But hey, I can go down to the beach and reflect there! Or to the top of the hill which overlooks all of the islands in the Auckland region. It'll be me and nature for the start of my 19th year, I'd say, that ain't too shabby. ;) And I may still attempt to get a pavlova in celebration. The wife, Rachel, returns home on the 4th so I'll have a couple days of good full family time before I return to Auckland city to do some shopping and tie up a few final threads, such as closing my NZ bank account which, I'm pretty sure, will be nearly empty. :p God, NZ, you are so expensive!

And that will be that. boom. done.

I'm off to go book my ferry ticket to the island then spend a day with my friends that are still in the city. And then, of course, tonight is flight of the conchords! bitchin.

That's right, Joe and Parker, I'm going to see your idols. ;-p be jealous. hahah

my love is sent as always!

Back to the Begining

I've come full circle. This morning I arrived back in the Auckland airport after a very short (1 hr) flight that, unfortunately, included a 16 hour wait in the airport. S'all good though. I ended up having a pretty good time as I ran into an old friend from the packhouse who I hadn't seen since Kerikeri. She told me all about how she met Peter Jackson while we sat eating chocolate, and when I fell asleep she tucked me in with her jacket! I miss that type of generosity, you don't see it that often while backpacking, I'm sorry to say.

Anyway, when I arrived in Auckland I had so many flashbacks to March 11 when I first arrived in New Zealand. I was ecstatic at how different it was! My first arrival was horrid, exciting, yes, but overwhelmingly scary. It wasn't until I stepped off the plane that I realized how bizarre coming to NZ without a plan was; wasn't until I passed through customs that I understood why my parents had been so afraid; not until I realized how alone I was that I became inexplainably homesick. I remember you all telling me how brave I was, just taking this trip. But for some reason I didn't comprehend exactly what I was doing. I guess it was just one of my many bizarre imaginitive thoughts that I just happened to put into reality and it wasn't until it became reality that I realized how...mm.. not normal it was. (Not that backpacking isn't normal, but, just arriving somewhere new, totally alone with almost nothing... it's hard to explain.)

As the plane landed this morning, I felt absolutely no fear. In fact, I felt at home! Ready to tackle the shuttlebus to the city, and then the entire city itself. It helped that I had a brunch date with Casper, who is leaving NZ today for Fiji. I can't entirely explain the extreme difference between Mar. 11 and now, it's one of those "you just had to be there" things.

However, now that I'm in the city, I'm eager to return to the airport and head home. Don't get me wrong, I'd absolutely love to spend more time in NZ, but my arrival in Auckland in and of itself acted a sort of end to my trip in a way. It made it more absolute that all the things I would like to do in NZ if I had more time most definitely cannot be done. This isn't an entirely bad feeling. It isn't the same as homesickness as I am still enjoying my time here; it is just a readjustment and a knowledge that I will be absolutely ecstatic on the 6th. I keep picturing my arrival in Nashville and it just fills me with joy. I've missed everyone terribly. And I don't mean to sombre this note, but, in all honesty, I think I much more ready to come home because of my mum's current situation. I didn't know how much the goings-on back home would affect my travel, but I think it touched in a very deep way-it changed my emotional journey as I never really let myself let go of my life in the USA and I do believe that in order to fully immerse yourself in the new experiences of travelling, you must be relatively untied. And trust me, folks, I was tied with double knots for very obvious reasons. This, though, I must assume, has taught me some other very profound lessons about life and myself that I will begin figuring out once I get home.

On the 6th. In 8.5 days.


:-D

(I also keep recreating the image of me being able to hug Cadence first thing on her birthday. This also fills me with unspeakable, often tear-jerking joy)

So, ya better believe it, loves. I'm comin' home!

AND I filed my tax return. I'M SO GROWD UP!

^.^

Work-less work

Somehow I managed to find this place (my current wwoof) where I need to do 5 hrs of work, however, there just isn't enough to do! They said I could do whatever suited me best, but there wasn't even weeding to be done! I ended up hoovering some and hauling wood, but the majority of my day was spent pretending I was doing something... I.e. walking around outside looking for jobs. I probably only did 3 hrs work today. Spose I can't complain...never thought I WOULD complain about not having to work. Guess I'm growin up! Tomorrow I sleep at the airport. Now to curl up on the couch with a book and some tea and biscuits.

Woes to woahs

After my previous ordeal and many hours spent homeless, I've done a complete 180. By this, I mean I am now living in a home with my own room, a giant bed larger than my parents', my own bathroom, a radio with an NPR-like station which plays classical music, heaps and heaps of delicious, tasty food (including pudding!), sheep, alpaca, chickens, turkeys, cows, ponies, and views that will knock you on your ass. And I get all this for pretty easy work... About 5 hours of raking pine needles today. :-/ I'd rather be weeding or doing something more farm related. That's the only problem, I'm here in the most comfortable place I've ever been in NZ, but I'm bored... In the sense that I'm not really learning anything here. I'm TOO comfortable. It's like being home-I can stay up late sitting on the couch watching movies and eating ice cream. As much as I love doing this, that is not why I'm here. So, strangely, I'm glad that I only have 1-2 more days here. Though I do think if I stayed longer, I may be able to learn something about brewing from mike as he brews his own beer, however, he currently works nights in christchurch, so isn't around much. But, in any case, I'm making the most of this relaxing respite from the dirty life of a backpacker. I walked up the large hill on the property this afternoon and had an incredible view of the Canterbury plains whose outline was marked by large snow-capped mountains. sorry I have no pictures, i officially have no camera as my iPhone is being a bitch. After my walk, I sat down on the outside patio and read in the sun, then went in for dinner which was a 3 course meal, and am now currently watching dancing with wolfs in my heated bed, sipping on tea. My next stop is Auckland once this wwoof is over, and then it is home for me. I'm eager, yet not ready at the same time. It'll be quite a shock coming home, I think. It's even weird for me to be here living in the home when I'm used to sleeping either on a dirty mattress in a shack, or in various methods of transport, or in hostels where you can wake up to the man sleeping above you wankin' away. that's it for now. P.S. pudding means dessert here, so by pudding I meant sweet rice and ice cream. :-)

Woes of a backpacker

I believe if I've had one-on-one conversations with you, I've probably said this to you already, but now I'm here to let you all know: backpacking is quite often extremely hard, both mentally and physically. Today was one of those days that tested me. After a full heavy night filled with loud Scottish men and too much booze, I woke up at about 8 to say goodbye, for good, to the frenchies. I then went back to bed to try to continue sleeping off the dizziness that had yet to leave my vision. As I lay there I realized this was the first time I'd really been alone in NZ since the first few hours in Auckland (before I met piers), and that I had no idea what I was doing that day. But after an hour I finally started to move, figuring out the steps as I went along. I ended up in a park waiting for Gigi and wani to come find me, that was pleasant as the sun was out and I had a book to read. We then went to the I site so I could book a bus to ashburton... That was where I was going to wwoof for a couple days. The threee of us then hung around until about 1:30 when I went to the bus stop. Now you see, the bus was supposed to leave at 2:05 and you're supposed to get there 15 mins before that-so, being punctual and paranoid, I got there about 20 mins early. By 2:40 I knew something was wrong, so I went back to the I site and the woman at the desk called the bus company, who reported that they'd stopped at 2:06, didn't see anyone, so left. WTF? I was then told to go to the intercity building on the other side of town (where I stayed last night). I arrived there and the woman was very concerned, saying she wanted me to get a free 5:30 bus but her boss wouldn't let her do that. SO she called her boss and had ME talk to her, which ended up doing... Nothing. And that is how I wasted most of my day and a good 25 bucks. Strangely, when I went outside of the intercity place to have a bit of a pity cry a dog came up to me and insisted we play ball. Dogs never fail to cheer me up! So I picked up my sorry self, and tried to figure out what the next step was. As I was homeless again (no hostel), I went back to the park to make some calls and had another wwoofing place to go... But in order to get there I'd have to take a bus to Riccarton (?) then walk to 65 peer st, go into the new world and ask for Hooman, who would then give me a ride to the place I'm staying...! Because this is already a ridiculously long post, I'll save you the time and end it here saying: maneuvering that was really long and complicated, requiring me to walk back across to the other side of the city again, pay another 4 bucks, and sit outside in the coldand dark for over an hour. But now, I'm sitting in new world (btw, that's the supermarket) waiting for Hooman to finish his shift. It's been a tiring day, but i survived, even though after the failed bus I felt like giving up... I missed being able to just call someone for help. But I'm in charge of myself now, totally. I can't rely on friends or family, so the only thing I could do was keep on goin, figuring shit out. And yeah, perhaps this can happen to anyone, even those who are not backpackers, however you must remember that literally all day I was carrying everything I currently own on me. I was a walking house... My shoulders have never been so sore. Bah-but it's all worked out, I made it through! Now I'm off to a warm home with a nice family. But I do miss my own home quite a lot, and I am so ready to stop moving all the time!! Really really ready to not be homeless.

4th of July came early!

Fireworks, giant flames, live music, hot boozy cider, lavender chocolate, fresh donuts, and a fergburger. Queenstown is the only place that makes me spend ridiculous amounts of money. Luckily the first three things on my list were free-all part of the winterfest, the largest winter party in the southern hemisphere-and they did deliver! The stage was set above the majestic lake Wanaka with the remarkables (mountains) as the background. A long and epic fireworks show was framed by shooting flames all along the edges of the lake while the band sang songs about heat and burning. It was pretty much super awesome. Though, the bands were mostly really... Quirky? One group in particular, sadly, reminded me of really bad musical theatre, while another act consisted on an opera singer belting out some supa badass notes while two pole dancers did their thing in skimpy white outfits behind her. And of course, I can't forget the strange man wearing a blue spandex suit who came out pretending to ride a rodey and then singing poorly and rolling around on stage. All the while I grooved and moved in between my two stoic mates who seemed more amused by me than the talent on stage. It was a good night for me, I think I'm growing out of my self conscious stage and I was able to dance in places where no one else was dancing without thinking "oh dear, other people are going to be watching me and thinking im an idiot." I did break to sip on some hot cider, which I was not ided for-woohoo-and to watch a couple couples doing some serious dancing out of the sidelines. It reminded me of my mum's ballroom classes. It was a really fun night, a good way to celebrate winter, I'd say. I do apologize for the lack of pictures though, I didn't bring my phone since it had to charge in the room. But the whole time the fireworks were going I was thinking "damn, I shoulda brought my camera." oh well-guess this is one night I'll just have to rely on memory for. Until next time-cheers!

WWOOF WWOOF!!

After being dropped off in the middle of fuck-all nowhere at a petrol station, we walked with all our stuff to Shaun's place and were greeted by a fellow wwoofer, sanders from holland (who we came to find out was a bit wacky and earnestly believed he could create balls of energy with his hands, wanted to start a commune with his friends, and would interrupt any "normal" conversation by saying that we were hiding our emotions beneath this worthless small talk), and we're shown our living quarters. I swear piers and Stefan wanted to run away immediately. I just smiled in that, well thill be a challenge-type of way. Basically we were living in a loftish thing in a dirty dusty cold shack next to a tunnel house. The ceiling was in observable due to the mass amounts of garlic hangingto dry, there was writing ALL over the walls, and if we were really quiet sometimes we could hear mice clambering about on the roof. After 2 days, I didn't want to leave. I thoroughly enjoyed my time there, day in day out just chillin with tea and friends for hours after work finished which was usually around 2. We would chop our own wood for the fire in the "living room," make tea, and wait around just enjoying the warmth until dinner when we'd all go to Shaun's house and cook. Twas brilliant. I did a lot of cool things on that farm, especially since I somehow ended up being Shaun's protegei. Helping with a dead pig, feeding calfs, driving a 4-wheeler, learning awesome tips on growing food (like x-mas lights under the soil to keep it from freezing), and I was even given a Thai massage by my new French friend, Pierre. I met some crazy cool people there. Chelsea who is actually from GA can cook and bake up a storm. She's super knowledgeable about farming, and her presence just always made me feel good. Pierre has been traveling non-stop for 4 years, so he's kind of like my idol... Actually so is Chelsea. Sweet! But yeah, so Pierre is also a nutritionist and says no no no to gluten and had a lot of other really good advice in the way of food. William was a shorter-term wwoofer, but he was an exchange student from hong kong and enjoyed chatting with me about my fascination with the Chinese language. And of course sanders, whose leaving actually lightened the entire farm and made everything less awkward. Leaving the farm was surprisingly hard as well. Although I knew them for a short amount of time I really came to like our little family unit. Hugs all around, from Shaun as well, and many "this isn't really a goodbye, I'll see you later in my travels." Was a rough beginning-minus 6 degrees the 1st night with nothing but a few blankets and a hot water bottle-but I survived and came through to really love the place.

Sad days

Im actually typing this up a week after I wrote it: journal entry from the day we left the frenchies: I'm having a hard time holding back the tears and the giant lump that is stuck in my throat. What is it about goodbyes that creates such strong reactions? Piers, Stefan, and I are headed to Clinton-our first wwoofing adventure-it's exciting, but right now all I feel is loss. Even though it had a bit of a rocky start, the ultimate road trip ended up being a huge success. Two islands in one month, friends I will never forget, and a lifetime of memories. Crazy to think that back in welly I was ready to leave everyone. Just goes to show how a bit of perseverance goes a long way. Oh my. It may not have been the adventure I imagined or expected, but it sure was one hell of a month I will never forget. :end journal entry: Now is my last night with piers and Stefan! It's weird to think I may never see these people again-these people who Ive spent nearly every waking minute with for the past 3 months. Seems impossible that they'd ever really be out of my life. And I don't think they will be-we've all made lasting impressions on one another. But I'm off on my own again, though this time I'm meeting up with a whole heap of friends in Christchurch-it's gunna be tiiight!

WO-AH

Sitting in Queenstown right now, and it just hit me how little time I have left in New Zealand!! Just one week ago I was so homesick I wanted to get on a plane and go home immediately, but now it's completely different!

Thinking back on my journey I realize how crazy of an adventure it truly was. Strangely, while it was happening I often felt underwhelmed by the journey, as if I wasn't doing enough to fullfill my expectations. But that's the way it always goes I guess. Now there are tears in my eyes and a giant smile on my face as I look at the pictures from the past crazy month. Jack and his crew have gone throughout nearly all of NZ in 4 short weeks and although there were some trying times, overall it has been incredible. I've seen amazing things and done some pretty heart stopping activities. My favorite of which was the tongariro alpine crossing, which took us high into the mountains and gave the most breathtaking views.

I jumped out of a plane, 12000 ft in the air and I explored the abundant forests at ground level. I rejoiced with my friends over free pudding at 8:00 pm, which barely satisfied our infinite cravings for chocolate. We've driven through the southern alps and stopped many times along the way to take in the sights and just "be." Even on low key days like yesterday where I spent the majority of my time on the internet organizing things, new experiences were abundant. Stefan and I ventured out in search of pavlova, a traditional kiwi dessert, and after a bit of a wild goose chase, found the scrumptious delicacy in a resteraunt called lone star, which had a roaring fire in the center and a very kind and humorous Maori waiter who made me feel like much much more than a poor dirty backpacker, especially when he brought me my glass of pinot gris wine on it's own platter and bent down for me to take it "madame,"

I know I still have 3 weeks left and I shouldn't yet be reminescing, however, the end of this part of my journey is nearly over. On Saturday the frenchies will drop stefan, piers, and I off in Invercargill and from there we'll find a way to get to our first wwoofing host. The jack clan will be split and the super fast crazy "see NZ!" will be over. A couple weeks of wwoofing, a show in Auckland, and some partying with friends, and then home. I simply can't believe it.

At least I had some time to relax and think of the future whilst in fox glacier. After the trek on the ice during the day, we came back to the hostel and jumped into the hot tub located on the back deck amidst a forrest at the base of a mountain. Pure Awesome.

I don't wanna leave. But you can bet I'll be thoroughly enjoying these last few weeks.

Much love!

Recently:

I've got no excuse for the lack of updates. Absolutely none as I've had 3 days of free Internet and nothing to do except sit around in the hostel. So I apologize for neglecting this. However, it's late and I'm exhausted (I actually went on a hike today) so no big posts today. Just a short update-I'm now in the south island and it is absolutely magnificent. Does not disappoint! I have a flight back to Auckland on the 28th of June, markingbasically the end of my trip. :-( But, good news! My mother's results came back and the tumor has decreased 50-60%! Still 2 more months of chemo to go until the next step. But I'll be home soon to help my mom fight. Here's the bad news-I go home soon. Here's the good news-I go home soon! So many conflicting feelings about that! Until next time when I'll give a proper update, Te anui

Indulging desires in Wellington

It began with an egg. But not just one egg, I wanted heaps. A plate filled with a mountain of eggs! The cravings began two days ago and slowly built up until the crushing weight of my yearnings were too strong-I became weak under its pressure and when I saw eggs Benedict on the menu of a strange cafe located in a home and garden store, I cracked-just like the eggs that were shortly thereafter released into the frying pan. The circle of life. Price? $16 Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), it didn't end there. After a nudge from the fates (a German girl I'd met previously asking me if I had plans that night), I cracked again. But what a delightful break it was! $4 for the best cappuccino to have graced my lips, complimented perfectly by the live jazz playing in front of me whilst I sat in cafe lido trying to make sense of the broken English my new friend was using. Pure brilliance. Pure bliss. Leaving the smooth sounds that breathe fire in my soul was a sombre task, however, my friend was tired (and probably straight up didn't like jazz). But we battled the Wellington wind home to our hotel hostel where I was rewarded with a huddle of friends and a good movie. ...whoever said money can't buy happiness was a liar...

Journal excerpts

Sitting on the deck of our lodge in the coromandel: 9:00 am -why does such natural beauty evoke such strong emotions? Is that the evidence that our soul is tied in with this world, with mother nature? Perhaps deep down we humans are even aware of how rare these sights are; How the chances of this magnificent world existing are so minuscule that everytime we're looking at a miricale-an explosion of life? Last night after finishing the Tongariro crossing: We made it back to the emerald lakes, but this time using a much more treacherous path. Climbing up ice-covered rocks made for a slow ascent, but a fun one none-the-less! This time I did not feel as though I was about the keel over from exhaustion, making the entire journey much more enjoyable (the last time we went up I began to hyperventilate b/c I was too focused on how tires I was during the incline, but it was fine and the pain was definitely worth it!) I even did a side track up the Tongariro summit which I had to end before I actually reached the top due to the Ivey mountainside and my having improper equipment. I knew it was time to turn back once I started sliding down the mt.twas an incredible journey even still. At the top of one mt., volcano, tall thing, there was a shaft of heat that fanny, Melanie, and I sat in for lunch. The heat came from the ground so if you sat in one place for too long your bum would burn. I decided to attempt my own sort of hangi and duga hole, put my ham and cheese sandwich in it, covered it up. Sure enough, 20 mins later, the edges were toasty and the cheese was warm and melty! Innovation. I toasted my sandwhich in earth's oven! It was another amazing day with unbelievable sights and heaps of adventure. And my body feels well-excercised. All in all, with both days, we hiked/climbed 35+ km. that's roughly 22 mi. Bitch-ass!

My walk above the clouds

I walked above the clouds, where the air smelled of sulphur, and the ground was painted white. -Tongariro pass Although it nearly killed me (the first 6.4 km were steep), I made it to the top of the pass. They always say the hardest things have the greatest rewards and this was no exception. I've only seen pictures of these types of places, and to know that I've now been there is... Well, amazing. The hike took all day, but it was probay my favorite day in new Zealand so far, even with me seriously thinking that I couldn't continue walking. You started in the jungle, entered the mostly barren hillside, and then ascended the snowy peaks at about 16 km up. I'm addicted to mountain hiking now. There is truly nothing more rewarding that I have yet experienced. You round a corner and the snowy landscape took hold of me and became so overwhelmed that I cried, because of its magnificence, because of its rarity, and because I felt like I had really accomplished something. I pushed myself harder than I've ever pushed myself before and I learned the true gift of never giving up-eating your lunch on top on a mountain, with mt. Doom staring down at you' My god, what a day. And tomorrow we climb the other side. Utter brilliance.

Driving south in the north: mussels, sulphur, and flying

I am writing this with my iPhone, now that shows dedication... Not that it would be any faster if I used the French or German laptops, considering their keyboards are all funky. I apologize for my 10 days of silence, but it's quite difficult updating this thing with no computer, and although all my travel companions have computers, I can't borrow any for more than 10 mins due to our greed when it comes to Internet. I've been thinking foundations a lot, if that counts for anything! In my last post I was leaving kerikeri to pursue some day to day adventures, and boy has that come true. We left kerikeri and headed to Auckland for some business stuff-flight info, taxes-and along the way stopped at some gorgeous beaches. That's one of the many things I love about new Zealand, around every turn there's a new beautiful site, and you're never more than 100 km away from the sea (100 km-1 hr). That night in Auckland ky and I met up with some of his friends and we watched in your skin, an Erie spanish thriller with Antonio benderez. Best movie I've seen in awhile, though it did put me on edge a bit. The coromandel was next on our list with a stop at cathedral cove. So far I think the coromandel peninsula is the prettiest place I've been in NZ, which is saying a lot! We chilled out in our own little lodge flat for a couple of days. I woke at sunrise and went for a short kayak paddle around the bay outside our flat-a perfect way to spend a morning! And the previous evening Stefan and I walked through some bush and onto a tree hanging over the bay to watch the sunset-perfect way to spend an evening! After an extremely relaxing couple of days we arrived in Hamilton. There's not much in Hamilton, but we did manage to see the gardens which were pretty cool. Their interpretation of an American garden was spot on! Haha-concrete with a pool, bright yellow lawn chairs, and a giant picture of Marilyn Monroe! My favorite was the Japanese garden, twas quite peaceful. that night ky and Amy hacker took me out for some beer, some chatting, and some mussels! My first mussel was delicious, never thought I would've loved seafood this much. I had to say bye to ky for good this time since he's moving to Australia for a yr or so. It was actually quite sad for me, he's a really cool guy and one of my first friends in new Zealand. I have a feeling our paths will cross again someday though. After unsuccessfully attempting to leave the hostel without paying (not my idea), we visited Hobbiton. 'nuff said. From there we went to mt. Manganui (tauranga) and climbed to the top at sunset, which was beautiful, but I was honestly more intrigued with the view of the city. It was like looking down from a plane. After our descent, Stefan and I decided to walk home along the beach, and I told him of how when I was youngeri used to believe I could control the waves and of my fear of the ocean at night. We both agreed that we missed our friends heaps, but that ultimately this time is about ourselves as individuals and that hopefully within the next couple of weeks all of us traveling together will become much closer. Onto Rotorua and with that, the best hostel in new Zealand and a very rotten eggy smell! The hostel was called funky green backpackers and if you ever come to NZ, stay there!! The owners are wonderful and it truly feels like a home rather than a hostel. They had funny, intriguing, quirky, and beautiful pictures and posters up everywhere, including a picture of bush saying "miss me yet?" ;-). A roaring fire coupled with a beautiful sun room meant it was hard actually leaving the hostel to go do touristy things! Oh yeah, and it smelled exactly like the racer-rice's place. But we went out there and saw the geothermal volcanic areas. I saw my 1st geyser, lady Knox, and then went to the moon! At least it seemed that way. There was a giant cloud over the entire park which kind of sucked but it helped you forget you were on this planet. The colors formed by the chemicals were amazing-bright green, yellow, orange. And as I was walking along, inside the cloud, on top of an active volcanic area, it truly was like being on a totally diff. Planet. I loved it-being alone. Later, we went to the night market which had heaps of fantastic looking food, but our hostel owner recommended "the best brownies in the world," and he's travelled, so I had to take him up on it and boy do I agree! Delicious!! There were live bands playing, most of which were just cute older people playing ukulele, but that added to the fun. I taught fanny and Melanie the joe dance, which they found very amusing. It was a good night, topped off with piers, Stefan and I going to the hot springs spa which are outdoor pools that look out over the star-dabbled lake rotorua. A sad farewell to our funky green hostel led to an exciting 200 km free fall for piers and I. Yup! I did it! Skydive=pwned. Unfortunately they did have to weigh me beforehand, therefore I'm now aware of exactly how much weight I've gained. I'm 58 kilos, so I've gained about 24 lbs in this country. I blame my poor status. It's the backpackers way to eat everything in sight since you never know if you'll have enough food later (even though you always do). It sucks... I resent my new figure and am honestly mildly worried about coming home and seeing all my friends because of it. My self image is absolutely shit right now, but I try to push my thoughts about that away and focus on my daily activities and just know that once I get home I'll have plenty of time to get somewhat back in shape. But still, it's hard to get used to. I'm extremely angry with my body just all of a sudden slowing it's metabolism! Grr.. Anyway... The skydive was EPIC! I recommend everyone do one before they cease to exist. Although the filming was annoying to me... I'm glad I've got the footage, but it was too invasive for me-wasn't candid at all and made me feel like I had to perform in some way... Which is why I look so retarded in the video, but hey, forgive me-it's a little awkward being strapped to another person for so long while you're quickly becoming motion sick and he's going: smile, look at the camera! Erg. Didn't take too much away though. There's nothing like flying. I'm ending this post now so that you don't get TOO bogged down. Next up: some serious thoughts on the backpacking life.

A couple treats

Skydive?

Bon Voyage!

That IS what the cake read last night. Chocolate and beet root made by Emily for Piers, Steffan, Fanny, Melanie, and I since we're leaving Kerikeri tomorrow. Damn was it good.

It has been a whirlwind two months and although I am excited to begin my travels, I feel as though I'm leaving home AGAIN. My last day of work was yesterday and I should be ecstatic, however, I will miss my fellow packhouse workers, especially Diego... he was one fine specimen. :)
Driving away from Orangewood felt a little like driving away from BGHS on the last day of school. I realized while spending 10 hours with nothing but my thoughts  while grading kiwifruit, that I haven't had many scenarios yet in which I leave a way of life and know it will never again go back to that. Hmm, that sounded convoluted, but basically when I left high school, that was the closest thing to what I feel now. Except that now I'm not only leaving a job, I'm also leaving a family, a home, and a town that I am certain I will never come back to. (If I do come back to kerikeri it will not be with the same family.)

Because,as usual, I spent far too much time elsewhere ont he internet, I am INCREDIBLY antsy, I am going to sum up my two months with a list. Though, know that I am very angry with myself for not doing some serious writing. I haven't actually sat down to really write since I was back home in the states.

-made friends with people from all over the world: Germany, France, England, Japan, Scotland, Wales, Canada, Belgium, New Zealand, America, Korea, Chile, Peru, and plenty more.

-learned how to say "I am a dirty girl" in 6 different languages... watashiwa ko akuma American des; je suis une cochonne... etc.

-earned about 3000 dollars at my first job working in a Kiwifruit pack house, learning to enjoy even the shittiest of jobs.

-learned to live on my own. When I was sick, there was no one there to tuck me in; when I was tired, there was no one there to run my errands; when I hungry, there was no one there to make my food. Responsibility that you do not learn while going to school. Being thousands of miles from home does have its teaching advantages.

-often felt like I was in whoville while at work, since many of the older women working there look exactly like whos...

-bought my first alcohol,, mostly wine, but last night added finally went to the liquor store and made Kiwifruit vodka.

-fell in love with backpacking. It's hard, often, however, being around people with so many different backgrounds is really amazing and eye-opening. I'm learning things I never even thought about. For instance, in Korea, they don't have singular birthdays. Everyone gains a year on the  new year. My friend, Solin, is 23 in Korea, but here is actually only 21. I also know how to make Korean pancakes.

-Tried Genepi, a french drink from the swiss mountains. Delicious.

-Added some kiwi language to my speaking. I now add "as" to the end of everything without even thinking: sweet as, sick as, hard as.

-got engaged to a samoan kiwi boy with a large fro. ;)

-sat on top of a waterfall

-gained a SHITTON of weight

-went skinny dipping by myself in a stream during a hike

-learned how to cook steak

-witnessed a haka

-went on lots of hikes, some that lasted 3 hours or more.

--realized how much I miss farming...walking home from work one day, I passed a field of cows and was astounded with how nostalgic I became.

-learned that you really cannot run away from any of your problems...not even a little bit.

-was given numerous amazing compliments that boosted my life:
"you're probably the coolest girl I've ever met"
"I read your facebook timeline, and you are so cool! :)"
"How can you have ugly days when you're one of the prettiest women out there"
"I told this to everyone else here, and you know I don't lie, but when the girls get dressed up to go out, you're always the hottest"
"You should be a model" x 20
"If I hadn't have met you, I wouldn't have ever layed under the stars just chatting with someone, and my life wouldn't be complete."
"It sucks that you're leaving, I don't like many people, but I actually like you! You're the only person here no one can talk shit about. You don't gossip too much, you're really nice and polite yet you still stand up for yourself."

-bought dinner with my own hard earned money

-fell in love with a Chilean man...

-danced the night away in bars in Kerikeri

-had an adventure I couldn't have even dreamed of.

-plenty plenty more

I will miss you, Kerikeri, and this life I've been living. Onto more day to day adventures and the cold south.

...I wonder if I will ever be called Kentucky again...

The adventure commences (soon)

I now have a plan out of here!! WOOHOOOOOO.

As much as I love Kerikeri, and feel comfortable here, I'm ready for why I truely came to New Zealand. May 16 Steffan, Piers, Fanny, Melanie and I head to Auckland for a couple days to plan the next step of our journey, the south Island, and for me to organize all my travel to and from Fiji.

I think once I stop work, I'll be able to really enjoy this country. Not that I don't enjoy it now, it's just that once I get home from work EVERYDAY, I've already had a 12 hour day and am exhausted. But hey, I'll be leaving here with close to 2000 dollars in my bank, plus a little extra from home due to all the changes in my travel.

My trip will be shorter than planned which I have very mixed feelings about... but it comes down to the fact that I was asked to come home earlier, and in this situation, there is now way I would say no.

And it'll be really fuckin nice to take a bath. :)

I'll keep everyone updated as best I can. Over the next week I will still be working, so don't expect to hear much until perhaps the 15 or later.

I need to go figure out what to do with a 10 Kg bag of potatoes...

Much love!

The Forgotten Adventures

In my lastr post I made it seem as though nothing has happened within the past month, however, as soon as I walked away from the computer I remembered many many things I could have written about.

Such as going to Cafe Jerusalem with Gigi and the french twins where I got the best falafel in Northland and paid for it with my own hard earned money. It was a lovely night. And when I came out of the room to say bye to those sitting around the hostel, they all asked who I was going out on a date with. :p

I aided in splitting up a scottish couple who had ben together for 2.5 years. That was a little overwhleming and I can tell more about that when I have more time. Just know girls are sluts and my tall german and I are barely even friends anymore. Way too much hone heke drama.

I've gained a LOT of weight and my clothes no longer fit all that well... I even broke the zipper on my jeans. Damn you alcohol! So, I'm going to tyr to start an excercise routine to get back in shape.

I would walk home from work which was about 1.5 hours away and that was a really amazing walk. Lots of countryside, cows, and one rainy day a perfect rainbow. Unfortunetly I started working 10 hour days and get out of work when it's already dark so no more walks. :(

I leave Kerikeri within two weeks. I'm nervous and excited. Although kerikeri became my home, not a whole lotta good has com eout of it for anyone... I think veryone at the lodge would agree with that! hahaha.

Close to 1500 in my savings.

DAMN YOU INTERNET TIMER!

I must go.

LOVE SENT!

Workworkwork

Just a quick update as I spent far too much of my internet time on facebook, 

I'm working 70 hours a week now. Making 650 bucks a week. This is my 1st day off in 15 days. Oh how the time flies.

Packing kiwifruit is not altogether miserable, but it isn't that delightful of a job either. The people I work with are quite nice and it's becoming more and more like a family team rather than a bunch of strangers working together. Boring as the job may be, I still often think to myself, wow... my life is still pretty interesting, ya know, cuz how many people can say they worked in a kiwi factory in New Zealand? yeah, yeah? Not many Americans. 

I've had lot's of good things interspersed within the work of course. Even though right now I'm not having a GRAND time, in just another month I should be off in the South Island having the adventure everyone imagines I'm currently having. :p But I need to wait until then, when I've got 2000 dollars in the bank and can actually afford to travel. I'm broke as! 

But that's all I have time for... sorry for the lame post, I just can't be bothered to have a big huge update and be on the computer for much longer. I've found that I can no longer spend the whole day on the comp. It makes me really really antsy. 

Oreos are so much better in America.

And tea time is dinner time. I'm living with far too many English!

Much love!

Time Continues

I have to be very conservative with my internet, so this can't be too long, though I often think of interesting things to write about, I don't acttually have the time or energy to write them down, so you guys just get this little note.

Let's see... last week the guy I'm kinda sorta seeing sliced his hand with a woodcutter and had to go to the hospital. That was a pretty terrible day. I'm not talking a knick, I mean a full on, he's bloody lucky he still has his hand. It was scary as... and of course the rumors of what happened were much worse than the truth, throughout the day I had been told that it was a cut with a chainsaw and that he'd be flown in a helicopter to Auckland and stay in the hospital for 4 days, wouldn't ever get control of that hand again (BAD, it was his fret hand and he is a musician), and finally that because it was a cash in hand job, he'd have to pay full price for all of the medical stuff.


Turns out it was a clean cut with a woodcutter, he came back that night from the hospital an hour away in whangeri, he'll get full use of his hand, and he doesn't have to pay a cent. In fact he now even has free accomodation in the flat at our hostel, which is pretty fuckiun sweet, bro! But still, it means he can't work and he just had surgery this week and it'll take 6 weeks to heal, i.e. 6 weeks of being 1 handed. Oh well, at least it's only 6 weeks and not the rest of his life like it easily could've been. :p

So that was a pretty shit day. And unfortunetly I have nothing else to really report. I've spent all my time working pretty much. I've worked everyday since last Tues. and won't have a day off until probably next Sun. 12 days of work without a break... it sucks. But my next paycheck will be about 540 ish dollars. So far I've made 365 bucks about. So, hey... I'll actually be able to travel NZ at SOME point. I'm eager to get out and see things, but it'll still be awhile. For now it's the 6 am wake up calls to go and do shit work for 9 hours.

I'm sorry, that sounds really negativee, as though I'm really disliking being here now, but I'm not. I still enjoy it a lot, and there was one morning of work when I felt like absolute shit and was wondering why the hell I was where I was in my life, but a quick "get it together, Kelly" pep talk and getting myself to see the good things as well as the bad (see? not blindly optimistic) put me right again. And everyday I make about 100 dollars, and everyday I get a little closer to the south island. Life'ss good, it's just a little boring.

Though with these people, life can never really be TOO boring. :p

Anyway, that's all I have time for. But, I'm alive, and I won't have a day off for awhile so don't start thinking otherwise just because I don't update.

My live is sent.

Ciao!

Untitled

I walked 10 minutes through an open field in the pouring rain to write this post that I've been avoiding for some time now. Damn you reality, why must you haunt me?

After 7 years, the cancer came back. My mom starts chemo today and the fight begins again.

I've been told I do not need to come home, and that is really the best news I can be given at this time... it means its manageable.

So it's out on the table now. I'd rather now go into continuing my travel blog...

The day I found out this news my friends forced me to go with them to Charlie's Rock, which is a place with a waterfall and a bucnh of rocks you can jump from. I didn't have to energy to swim, but I did sit atop the waterfall and stick my feet in the rushing water. It was something I'd never imagined I'd get to do.

The whole thing was surreal, though. I had that nagging anxious feeling banging away at me as I hiked the New Zealand countryside. It's weird being so far away from home with something like this. Not necessarily bad, since there's nothing I could really be doing to help if I were home, but just strange.

Last Monday all the girls went to a Scottish country dancing class. It was heaps of fun, and I feel as though I got to know the girls better.

And finally, I accepted Hendrix today. With everything, being 14 hours away seems a little too far, and they will be able to better provide for me since they are a richer school, to put it bluntly.

I'm still doing quite well even with everything. The last thing I need is people worrying about me. I'm fine. I'm still in Majestic New Zealand and I've got a lot of good people around me.

I'll be working tomorrow and most days after that so it'll be harder to get ahold of me, I think. I'll still try to respond to emails and such.

Much love.

A Glamourous Life

So glamourous, I get to wear a plastic apron and a hair net for 9 hours a day.

I work in a factory. I've had 1 and a half days of work and I'm already sick of it, but hey, I didn't expect anything different.

I had the opportunity to choose between working in the fields or working in the packhouse and although it did pain me a bit, I chose the factory work. Simply because it means that I'll be working more, ergo, earning more money, and that's my whole reason for being in Kerikeri anyway. Both jobs would've sucked, but this one is much more stable.

And honestly, it's a very interesting experience, I mean... I never would have imagined that my first job would be working in a factory! I keep thinking about all the horrible stories of people working in sweatshops and I feel a strange connection to them. Though, of course, not any justified connection as I am treated well. There's even free tea, coffee, hot cocoa, and cookies! When you're a backpacker that's a big deal!

Yesterday was my first full day of work and I ended up doing an hour of overtime, so my day was: wake up at 6, start work at 7, and get off work at 5:30. It was a long laborous day, but I earned about 100 dollars that day, which almost pays for my weeks rent.

I guess I'm pretty settled now. I've got my home, my family/friends, my job. Life is pretty steady and I often still have to remind myself that I'm in New Zealand. I'd much rather be out and about exploring the country, but I'll feel much better actually starting my travels with a legit budget.

I did get really overwhelmed by constantly being around people for 2 weeks and decided to head out on my own to explore the surrounding areas of Kerikeri. I left around 2 and went to the library until 4:30 and was walking around various forresty areas until about 7:30. When I arrived home everyone flipped out. Apparantly they didn't know where I had gone and were worried sick about me. They tried calling me but I wasn't answering and they told me that they were going to wait another 1/2 hour and if I didn't turn up they were sending out a search party to find me.

heh heh... I guess I can't escape that kind of thing anywhere I go. ;) Even if I'm in NZ.

Reminds me of the buffalo wild wings incident.

Anyways, there isn't all that much to report. Just day to day things. Packing kiwis, making dinner, everyone openly wondering how the hell I eat as much as I do and stay as small as I am.

I'm honestly too tired to write much more. I apologize for the less than enthusiastic post, I've just not gotten decent sleep recently what with Doug's b-day party and a 6am wake up call the next morning.

But my love is sent. I'm quite well and I am enjoying my time.

Ciao!

Best Comments

A couple nights ago we all went to a pickers and packers party at a bar in Kerikeri, and most of us just went for the free food, but there was a DJ and a dance floor. Much to even my disbelief I went out and just started dancing! Similarly to how I did back at home with all my friends in my living room. It was heaps of fun. I even taught Tyron, a kiwi with a 'fro, some of our American gangsta dance moves. I had everyone doin' em!

Anyways, that night there was a lot of talk revolving around me (the girls stole me and dressed me up and put makeup all over my face) and everyone was oohing and ahhing over how if I was a bit taller I could easily be a model.

That was nice and all, but my two favorite comments of the night were from Rob:

"No matter what anybody tell you, you are fucking cool! You are so fucking cool!"

(Mind you, Rob has tattoos all up his arms and spent 12 years in the British army)

Rob to Joey:

"This girl, she's got balls that are THIS BIG!" (holds hands far apart)


So, I guess they've figured me out. I'm a petite feisty gorgeous hard-ass.

hahaha. It felt good.

:)

Alive and Well

Sorry I haven't been able to update recentlI've been too busy livin!

At this point I can no longer update you on all of my adventures, for there are far too many. I can say that I've seen two oceans collide, made lots of friends, and seen a dead cow rolling down the river.

No time. CIAo

Fate, St. Patty's Day, & The Wise Old Man

Remember how in my last post I was complaining about having a bad day because of my room switch? Well, I entered my room thinking "ok, this is really not that bad of a situation, I'm going to welcome it with open arms."
And guess what? Fate took care of the rest. Turns out they overbooked the room, so I ended up being switched again to room 206 which was basically empty except for this very talkative 76 year old man from Australia. We introduced ourselves and shortly realized they we were going to be on the same bus the next day, so we decided to make a day of it. I got up at 6 am and went down to the kitchen and he made me a bowl of porridge (oatmeal) and tea and chatted a lot about farms he'd worked on and how much he liked milk..
It was a four and a half our ride with him, since he got off at Paihia and my stop, Kerikeri, was 25 minutes north of there. It was quite pleasant, he did a lot more chatting, going on about Australia and the NZ landscape. I learned a lot from him. And all the while I stared out the window at some of them most incredible landscape I've ever seen. I really didn't know that these types of places existed outside of jurrassic park movies. TONS and TONS of rolling hills, some filled with jungle landscape, others totally rural, for the sheep to graze.

At our parting he told me that I was an amazing girl, very nice and that traveling at 18 was such a brave thing to do but I'd be fine, he could tell that I'd do well.

I made it to the hostel and met my new family! A bunch of folks all between the ages of 20-33 (as usual, I'm the baby). We all put in some money for a BBQ that night and during the day the girls painted their nails (me included) green, except for the thumb, which we each put our flag. Everyone was quite impressed with my flag, though it doesn't quite have 50 stars...

Once dinner was ready, the beer was already flowing quite heavily, the music was bumpin, and the people were socializin! It was heaps of fun!! All in our nice little Hone Heke Hostel Lodge, which has a nice covered outdoor pavillion with big long tables, a pool table, a ping pong table, x-mas lights hung up on the ceiling, and a pretty nifty sound system.

It's been a lot of fun getting to know everyone, and even though it's just been pouring rain for 3 days straight, it has been nice to just sit around the tables playing cards, inserting myself into these peoples' lives. :p We really are like a big funky family. Oh and I'm getting much better at pool and table tennis!

I'm enjoying my time in Kerikeri so far. They even have a nice lil farmers market on Sundays that i can go to and get the best hotcakes ever. Still just waiting for work... but I've applied and should be hearing back in about a week or so.I hope you all know that it is not glamourous work by any means, most likely working in a packhouse doing really shitty work for really shitty pay. But hey, it's a lot of money really quickly. The sooner I rack up 2000 bucks, the sooner I can head out to more adventures to Hamilton, Blenhiem, Franz Joseph Glacier, Dunedin, Milford Sound... it's such a big world. Taking 4 years out of my time to explore hurts me, but I know university will be a good investment. I just have to grit my teeth and get through it so that I can get back out on the road.

New Zealand, you lovely place, you've shown me how strong I can be. And I no longer fear the unknown, nor do I fear being alone.

P.S. My last day in Auckland I was feeing lonely and went to the park and just laid down, hoping maybe someone would come talk to me, but knowing that even if no one did (most probably), life was still good. Optimism, open to the fates and all that. And what happened? A guy came up and started chatting with me! He's from India and could tell I wasn't from around here and wanted to learn about my country. Very cool.

Ok, times running out.

My love is sent!

Just a few photos

I'm having a down day (as I mentioned before, not a lot of sleep) and I'm sore from the hike yesterday so walking around is painful and I had to switch rooms and my new dormroom is... kind of dasterdly. It's just one night. I can sleep through it... I hope. But because of all that, I'm spending a lot of time in the IEP office today, which is why I am able to give so many updates!

They're currently playing Flight of the Conchord songs. Makes me miss home!

"I'll buy you a kebab!"

kebab on Queen st. where I met a couple other lovely travelling Americans

NZ paper money

Some performers outside the data center on Queen St.

One of the parks in Auckland that I went to during my day tour.

Rangitoto Pics!

lava caves

On the hike up

There's the summit!

not all totally volcanic rock.

I reached the top!

Rangitoto Island

Goodbye, Auckland! (taken from red light district)

Hint: may wanna check my previous posts for some newly added pics!

Just a P.S.

I meant to mention on my last post, since I've recieved a good number of inquiries about it, that Piers is a 20 year old dude from England. He's only been in the country for a week and we hit it off because of our culture shock... though mine has gone away and he's still pretty pessimistic about everything. And no, there's 0 romantic connection between us. In fact he's my first 100% totally platonic male friend, which is really neat! But yeah... nothing juicy to report, sorry. :p

P.S. number 2. I already have a wicked tan! Just spent one day outside and I am a nice brownish shade. I'm super anal about my sun protection though, so don't worry. I'm avoiding being burnt at all costs.

I feel as though there's still something else I wanted to mention, however, I cannot recall what it is (didn't get a lot of sleep last night.) BTW, idk what time it is there but just to keep things in perspective is's 11:53 on Mar. 16 here. I guess that means it is 17:53 Mar 15 in BG.

If anyone asks about me, please just send em the link to this blog. I keep it up for all those loved ones I left back home and if those loved ones don't read it, well then, I'm wasting a lot of time on the internet! So yeah. I'm trying to up my followers.

Please and thank you.

Sweet as! (NZ phrase meaning, it's all good!)