A child's ability

My mother and I spent thanksgiving in NY with Kate and her family. Apparently during a trip to Kroger, my mom found some window paints and bought them for Cadence and Hazel.

I found the paints next to the window and absent-mindedly drew my name and a heart, and then turned back to my computer.

A little while later Cadence began playing with the paints again and asks if this is my heart, and I say yes.

She then drew a circle around it and said, "I put a circle around it to keep it safe. I will never erase it."

Due to my current situation, that nearly brought me to tears.

Oh how amazing a child's ability to stir the emotions can be.

I love you, Cadence. I am thankful for you and your circle.

NYC tourist weekend part 2

6:45 and we're up. We all trek down to Cadance's Blue School to meet her teachers and see what she's done in class. It's a really neat place! Lot's of learning by doing, which as I've said before, is my favorite type of learning.

We met one of the original blue men there, too. Cadance is good friends with his son, so even though we were technically meeting "a famous person," I just knew him as scouty's dad.

Ali left to go to her cousins for the rest of the weekend, and James went to school, leaving Duncan, Hazel, Kate and I to mosey around downtown. We attempted seeing the 9/11 memorial, but never found a way in. We did look down on it, through a raised walkway. That was good enough for me. I think I just needed to see that it wasn't ruble anymore. The last time I visited that spot it was a very gray and dusty place.
We did visit the little museum type visitors center that was right next to the memorial. They had a video playing about the memorial and a few stories of the heroes and some artifacts. One of those artifacts was a recovered wallet, along with a wedding band that was also found in the rubble. I looked over those items and began to read the note that described them but didn't get to finish because I was suddenly overcome with despair. I had to turn around and force myself not to start sobbing. And then I began to wonder how everyone else was so composed. It wasn't an elaborate museum, but nevertheless there's these items that survived the crash when their owner didn't. And, and maybe it was all of it. Maybe it wasn't just that man's belongings, those are just what triggered it. But I felt 9/11 then. I felt how I would've felt 10 years ago when it happened, if I had understood.

That was a little shocking. I wasn't expecting that emotional response at all.

But once I was able to compose myself, we moved on and looked at the seaport and the old mob-run fish market. We also ate lunch at Made Fresh Daily, a slow food restaurant that serves amazing food! Since being on the farm I've gained more appreciation for places like this. I really don't understand why restaurants would be any different.

I am for slow food America.

Oh yeah! we also went to the wall street protests!



After picking Cadance up, we took a ferry to Brooklyn, but then Duncan and I got off early and walked across the bridge so that we'd have plenty of time to meet Michelle at grand central, which truly is grand!

Once we all met up and were settled into the apartment, we made plans for that night. It was Michelle's first time in the city so we had to bring her to tourist mania, aka Times Square. We went ot Stardust for dinner since Duncan was going coo coo over that place and listened to mediocre karaoke while eating tasty, yet still way over-priced food. All my friends may love that place, but I do not. I personally agree with my sister on this one. But hey, a tourist trap is indeed a trap and it seems to be working. I'm all for my friends being gung-ho about it, I just hope to never eat there again.

I felt kind of the same way about Times Square, which is how I know I've past the tourist phase and have now just become a "New Yorker" so to speak. Walking down 34 st was no longer awe inspiring, it was just annoying and crowded, with materialism in giant capitalized blinking scrolling shiny letters. I was fine being there though since it was Michelle's first visit, and I remember my first time with the lights…it was almost magical. So I wanted to give her the same experience.
We did stop in Toys R' Us, and I showed them around while visiting my own memories of being there. It hasn't changed much in 9 years, only I have. Unfortunately, I am still afraid of the giant moving T-Rex on the lowest level.

We somehow ended up at Hooters at the end of the night which just totally compromised my morals. It was more degrading than I had even imagined, and ultimately just made me angry at the women working there and our country for allowing such a place to exist. We spent our time there with Duncan's West Point friends and then eventually found our way back to the apartment, finally crashing asleep around 3:30 am

NYC tourist weekend part 1

The great trip to the city began when I successfully let myself into Kate's apartment and opened up my computer to get on Facebook. Yes, I'm a wee bit addicted again.

However, today I was glad of my addiction, because I saw that Alison had commented on Duncan's excited status about NYC "When? I'm going tomorrow…"

I called her up and within 3 hours she had arrived at Penn station, after my prodding that she come a day early to see The Blue Man group with us (though it was originally her idea).

Duncan, Alison, Kate, James, Cadance, Hazel and I all met up at astir place and then went to Chipotle before the show. It was really great having all of us together again. Like a BG reunion.

The neat thing was that we were able to get in to see the show for free. Well, almost free. The catch was that 2 of us had to be part of the show–as the late arrivals. And since I'd seen it before we decided that it should be the two newcomers.

We had a blast, and it was really cool being so close to the stage. I've seen the show twice before, but never that close. It was a totally different perspective. As usual, the show was amazing. I loved hearing Ali an Duncan laugh though…it confirmed that I was "showing them a good time."

Afterwards we asked the house manager, who was the one who let us in, who is a close friend of Kate's, if there were any dessert places nearby and he directed us to chickalicious, which was indeed DELICIOUS!! Pricey, but oh-so-worth it. Duncan purchased a caramel dream typa yummy, Ali delighted in a yummy pumpkin puff pastry,and I ordered my usual: warm molten lava cake. It was heavenly. There's something about the cold ice cream with the warm chocolate that creates a foodgasm.


When we got back outside it was sprinkling, and chilly, and windy. And we had to try to figure out how to get back to the apt. by ourselves. And we were on the lower East side and wanted to get to the upper west side. We spent a long time looking at a map not realizing that it was actually a bus map and eventually mapped a route that ended up taking us to 148 lennox station… which wasn't exactly where we wanted to be–but it was close. Only about 5 blocks away. The annoying thing was that we planned to get off at 145, but the doors just didn't open so we rode it to the end of the track…it was very odd.

While we were waiting for the 7 to get us crosstown there was a man in the subway playing the sax that must've been on some sort of drug because he would play some, then slouch over and act like he was about to fall asleep only to pop back up after a few minutes and play some more. Yeah, well he started playing sexy sax man and we all got really excited and nostalgic.

Once we made it back we rejoiced with a little chit, Duncan fell asleep on the couch, and Ali and I finally went to bed around 2.

Countdown: One more week

I didn't give any written updates of last week, therefor, I have no idea what I did last week!

I know we finally finished haying the garlic field, meaning that we are done in the lower field! About a month of work and it's finally finished! The rest of that week is… an abyss in my memory. I went to Kate's that weekend and then got back to the farm on Monday which is when we OH YEAH I remember the end of the previous week. We planted HT1 with transplanted peas, lettuce, beets, chard and spinach. I still don't remember what we did on Friday though.

So, anyway.

This week consisted of tilling, planting, cooking, pulling and hanging lettuce to dry for seeds, and a long action-packed weekend.

The most notable achievement on the farm for me was roasting my first bird and making gravy. It was a very tasty faux thanksgiving dinner. I surprised myself with how well the chicken came out!

I brined it with lemon, apple, lime and onions. Roasted it in a bed of garlic, onion, celery and carrots and stuffed it with the brining companions.

It was amazingly tender. Cutting off the drumsticks was unnecessary since the meat came right off the bone. It was juicy and yummy and the perfect texture. I'd say a serious success.

The gravy was not my favorite, and I did have a little trouble getting the texture right, but all-in-all, it was pretty good. I definitely need more practice with it, but I did indeed made perfectly palatable gravy. It really wasn't bad, just very winey tasting (which I like, but I'm used to a darker flavor).

I surprised myself when I first opened the chicken. I've always been a little ooked out with blood in my meat and I've never wanted to be around when my parents prepared meat. So the fact I was able to handle the bird with my bare hands and stick my hand into it to pull out the neck, heart, and liver is amazing.By the way, liver feels… interesting. Rubbery and smooth.

The other exciting part of the week was the tilling and planting of shallots. Thursday morning I had a mission. It was to get those shallots in the ground as quickly as possible because that afternoon I was heading to the city to begin my super packed and crazy weekend. So I ran out while Tess had breakfast to see if the tiller was attached to the 2 wheeled tractor. Unfortunately, it was not. This meant we would have to use the mantis, which is a smaller hand tiller that packs a lot of power but is exhausting and takes much longer than the big tiller attachment.

So I decided to screw the mantis, and try to figure out how to change attachments. Let's just say it was a feat of memory and chance, and we were able to till upper Edgar thoroughly with the 2 wheeled tractor tiller in and hour and a half. The feelings of euphoria and achievement were overwhelming. I was so terribly proud of Tess and I. We were even able to get all the shallots planted by 10:45. It was an incredible feat. Something we didn't even know we were capable of.

So I was able to take a shower, eat lunch (leftover chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy that I made!), pack, and get on the rd. by 12:30. Unfortunately, I had problems with gas and debit cards so I didn't get to the city until 3. Regardless, I made it there with plenty of time to get my bearings and gather the troops for the blue man show that we were going to see for free that night.

And I will continue the explanation of the long weekend on my next post.

By the way…I'll have to start packing my room in the farm house. I don't think I'm ready!

Also, this happened at some point.

Pictures that didn't make the posts!

dilapidated chicken house in the snow.

Our farm hussy! haha-nah, just laundry day

October...

My paws are c-c-cooold!

Product placement

Teddy's masterpiece! Aunt Flo

Tess, the cat.

Rainbow after a torrential pownpour

Kale!

What the finished product will look like.

What we've done so far (beds are shaped and rows are hayed)

A farmer's life for me

I'm overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed as my date of departure glides nearer; overwhelmed as I come closer to stepping into my unmapped future.

Leaving the farm will be much more difficult than I anticipated. Back in August, when I first arrived, I looked at my calendar, willing it to suddenly drop September from its list of months. Three months seemed just too long. I was going through some "leaving the nest" anxiety and I couldn't fathom how I would ever feel as comfortable here as I did at home.

Yet somehow those three months passed without any time for me to realize that this place was not only comfortable for me, but it was becoming my new home. I didn't know it was that simple to enter into someone else's house and feel as part of the family.

But stronger than the personal connections I've made here is the part of me that craves this lifestyle. On a whim, a hopeful desire to discover my interests, I interned on this farm. Yet because of that, a piece of my soul was revealed to me.

There is a purpose to life when I'm here. A purpose that I can see and feel. I play God in many respects–choosing what to bring to life and what life to end. And I care deeply about each of those decisions because every single one of them is important. A farmer has to care for much more than just his or herself. He is responsible for every living thing he creates. Every plant, animal, bug…. And on top of that it is his/her job to feed the world. And that is no small task.

Yet still, beyond even that–my love of the work and my feeling of purpose–the piece of my soul that has been unearthed has a deeper root. A root that is forever entwined with the land. It makes sense that my time here has been void of the negativity that used to cloud my head. I am human, after all. This is what I was made for. Sustaining myself and, if possible, sustaining others.

In a very strange sense I can feel my long-forgotten ancestors within me, helping me move, helping me breathe, helping me live with this world. And that is exactly what I am doing. I no longer simply live in this world–a force moving against her. I live with her; taking what she gives, but giving back as much as I can, leaving her unharmed and hopefully even more beautiful than I found her.

I used to say that I didn't believe in soul mates, yet I now believe that I've found mine. Earth, this planet that breathes life and beauty, is my true love. She is a gift I have learned to cherish and my deepest sorrow is that many of my fellow kind seem blind to the unending love and splendor that she provides.

So it will be hard to step out of touch with the land, losing that closeness that I have not found anywhere else. Marveling at the sunset simply doesn't fulfill my lust if I eat food grown in a manner that is harmful to her or to her creations.

And as the date draws nearer I can't help but wonder when I will again be able to exist in this relationship as a partner rather than a leech. When I will be able to give back everything that she deserves. When I can run my hands through the dirt and feel it throb with life. When I can care for the creatures that's she's given me to survive. And when I can love her back with my full being.

My unmapped future is much harder to enter without an answer to these musings. The only thing I know is that my future must hold some form of commitment to the land–a time when I give my full self back to her, to reap what she sows and live within that pattern. It is the only way I will remain sane.

Until then, I must fight for her. I must fight for her because without her I cannot live. Without her nothing can live, not those that see her abundance and her power, nor those that are ignorant to it.

She is my love. She is my passion. She is my world.

And I live for her. My only wish is that others would let themselves feel the love she offers and live for her too.

Snow and Halloween

There's this song that periodically comes on while I'm listening to my iTunes called college by Animal Collective. It has a habit of coming on when I'm thinking about college and the majority of it is just odd noise with "oooing" going on. But at the end they sing "you don't have to go to college."

Sometimes I take that as a sign. Maybe they're right!
Oh Animal Collective…you're trying to brainwash me.

Onto the snowy day fun!

That night, as the snow gathered, Tess made sugar cookies out of her leftover pie crusts and I began my pumpkin pie filling…I didn't get very far though, since peeling a roasted pumpkin takes a huge amount of patience and once I finished peeling 3 roasted pumpkins, my attention span was worn out.

All the while we listened to the final book of the Twilight saga, not knowing that we had actually skipped the third book, and were thoroughly confused. I must say that Stephanie Myer got way too into her writing in the fourth book. It drags on and on and the plot is stagnant. At least with the first books she had a moving plotline! sheesh!

We continued listening to the riveting story of Bella's deathly pregnancy of a half vampire fetus while we carved pumpkins. This was my first year not using a pre-drawn carving, and I'd say it turned out pretty well. Here is the lil guy:
one of his ears fell off…that, i assume, is why he is so mad.

And Tess did an Edward pumpkin, complete with the swoopy do.
It turned into a pretty awesome night. And the next day? It was our day off! So I slept in until 8:30 (i'm sure my college friends are laughing at me) and laid in bed reading until about 12:30 when I finally gave in to my grumbling tummy. It was a beautiful yet blinding day. There was about a foot of snow on the ground, which made the whole house seem much cozier. But the sun was also out, so if you looked out a window for any length of time, once you turned around you would have spotty vision. It was really neat though. Kind of like being at a ski resort.

And what's even better is that shortly after I descended from my "apartment" Jen and Kai's friends, Tom and Robin arrived with tons of food and conversation. They're really neat people and guess what? Tom is Amy Cash's uncle! Mrs. Cash was my algebra 2 teacher, so it was crazy meeting her family… so insane. I still can't quite get over it.

After much chatting, a tour of the farm, and an amazing late lunch, Tom and Robin loaded their cats up and left on the journey back to the city. I was glad to not have to take care of their two big ol' cats anymore. They were perfectly fine, but Sophie was diabetic and had to have a shot of insulin twice a day. Once I got used to actually giving the shot it just became kind of annoying having to add on an extra 15 minutes to the chore routine. Now that they're gone chores take a good… 3 minutes? I've gotten so lazy. Chores used to take at least an hour. With the colder weather, though, the high tunnels don't have to be raised and there's nothing in the greenhouse to water, really. We give the amaranth a dose of water when the hose isn't frozen–which isn't all that often.

So the day off was pretty eventful and fun. I'm glad I decided to stay at the farm. Oh yeah! And it was Jen's birthday. So in the morning we also had bacon…MEAT. And Robin brought over an assortment of meat and cheeses…I was in heaven. I'd recently been craving some meat and to my amazement, my wish was granted. Halloween was a pretty awesome day too. Tess and I transplanted some of the pea plants into high tunnel 3 since so many of our sugar snap peas were eaten as seedlings… boo you, rodents!

We also thinned some of the Kale that we planted in high tunnel 3, we moved it from the crowded upper row to the deserted lower row. We also cut more wood. It was then that I realized how little physical work I've done here lately. The chainsaw was difficult for me to hold up for a long period of time!! And on Sunday I noticed when I crossed my arms that I couldn't feel my muscles as well… and then when I showered that night I also realized that my belly was getting smaller again too. UHG. All the changes my body went through since I've been here are just withering away right before I go home. No one will believe I ever looked any different. It's frustrating, and even though at first I complained about gaining weight, I would take my muscles along with my slightly tubbier belly any day.

So I've got about 2 weeks left of the internship. As a coming home present I need some 30 lb weights. That'd be really nice! And a massage…good heavens do I need a massage.

Did I mention–about 2 weeks left of the internship!!? That's insane! Time has flown by. Just FLOWN. I can't communicate how crazy the fact that I'm almost done working here is. It's simply inconceivable.

Now let me get back on track…halloween… after lunch we sat around wondering what to do about costumes. I had nothing to work with. Just my farm clothes. But then Tess and I began playing with the mustaches Jimmy gave to Sebastian and I decided that I could go as a dude. Simple enough. I often look like a dude on the farm anyway.
So I was a dude, Tess was a cat, Jen was a farmer, and Sebastian was batman. We were a motley crew. And we went into Jeffersonville, did some trick or treating and then became part of the parade which went about two blocks and ended at the firehouse which provided cider and cookies. It culminated in a costume contest that we ducked out of and instead ordered pizza, went home and watched Harry Potter.
I was surprised with the number of people that did double takes when they'd walk by. There were also a couple of people who complimented me on it. I would've probably done pretty well in the costume contest.

While we were waiting for the pizza 3 girls walked in, probably all about 15, and mind you, there's snow on the ground. And they are dressed as…skanks. The youngest looking one actually had her butt hanging out of a dominatrix cross cop costume. The kid working behind the counter, also probably around 16, was so mesmerized that he gave Jen's change to the dominatrix chick!

And I just wonder…what kind of mother would let their daughter go out like that!? It's insane. I'm glad I never had the urge to dress like a superskank. It's embarrassing.

On the way back to the car I carried the pizza, and that was when my costume was complete! I just needed the prop-a pizza box. And it all came tougher. I was a pizza delivery guy. Simply perfect.
It was a pretty awesome Halloween. No, there weren't any parties. And I never did the Time Warp along with a bunch of other crazy kids my age. I didn't get much candy and I still even worked. But the company I was with made it amazing. I have so much fun with Jen and Tess. We are a humorous crew. I'm really going to miss them. They've become my friends.. my family even. And if we're all in good spirits a day which starts horribly can end with me feeling high from laughter.

What's weird is that when I talk about Jen to my friends I say she's my boss. And that's completely accurate, and I respect her and everything she asks me to do. But I feel like it's a deeper relationship than that. But it has to be, ya know? We've lived together now for almost three months and you can't live and work together without forming an intricate bond.

Oh man, and I lied. Monday we pulled all the tomato plants from high tunnel 1 and the greenhouse. It was Tues. that we worked with seedlings and cut wood. And after lunch on TUESDAY Michelle and her son, Nicholas (a good friend of Sebastian's), came over and we all learned how to make mayonnaise and ketchup. Tess and I also whipped up some fries and that was our dinner! Fries with our homemade dips. And after I had already gone up to bed, Tess told me around 9 that she was making her fudge cake…so of course I had to go down and eat it, and while I waited I made cinnamon rolls. Didn't turn out quite right, but they're okay.

And that brings me to today, which was truly uneventful. Just packing for CSA, showering, napping… we shall see what tomorrow holds.