To all my old friends:
I've spent quite a lot of time this past year distressed about how I was losing myself--thinking back to my teenage youth when I thought everything was awful but truly I was thriving despite my inability to keep up with my homework. But sitting here, drinking my bottle of champagne for one while counting down the hours till I can go to bed on this new years eve (okay, it's really not as depressing as it sounds); I am realizing that it isn't so much a younger version of myself that I have been yearning for, it is all of you. Ever since extracting myself from the community I was a part of for so many years I have been searching for all that I left behind (to, mostly, no avail).
So, my dear friends, for the start of this mysterious year of 2016 (goddammit, I'm still trying to grasp that the year changed to 2000!) I would like to tell you how very much I miss you, how very much I love you.
When pop stars sing about lost loves and how if even for a second they could get them back, I'm pretty sure those songs are written about y'all.
We were so fucking stupid and surely there was so much pain, but we were able to ride it out, sitting around a fire, speaking sweet nothings and laughing, laughing, laughing. You all were my vice, no need to weather the social situations with substances, we were all crazy pills for each other with only one side affect: love (holy god that was cheesy! The champagne is slowly going to my head). I remember the mornings I was determined to hate the day and y'all would refuse to let me win every. time. You are why I'm still alive. I took for granted how easy it was to ask for help when you're in a town that is filled to the brim with people you feel 100% comfortable with. Words can't do justice the joy I felt when I was surrounded by all of you. You all were my life.
Now, I haven't lost you, not really. But also (you know), I have. We were like a beautiful bombshell that exploded and landed all across the world to bring joy to other places and other people. I am so, so glad for that! I love hearing how amazing all of you continue to be. But now, it's 2016 and I haven't seen some of you since 2014 and I miss it all like parched ground misses rain.
I love you all. Here's to all those new years we spent together, and here's to whatever this one brings!
