My dress plastered to my body, the heaviness of the rain making it cling to my every curve-my butt jiggled and my hips swayed. Useless. Anyone could see if they saw but they didn't.
That is how it should be, I suppose, because maybe you would have thought I meant a kiss to you, maybe... but no. It is you and you and you and him, individually and all together always beautiful, always strong when you could sink, living unapologetically.
I love you, I do, I never told you because I do not know you and maybe it would be misconstrued to mean the meanings other people have made, but I love you.
You touched me-felt so healing-for the first time, just today. The day I said goodbye, or looked away and refused, rather, as I've been saying goodbye before I said hello.To you. Hello to you. Hello! I wish I'd said it earlier. Regret regret regret. Oh I wish wish wish.
But that's the act of learning. I'm sorry I grieved for you before I even met you, I'm sorry that because of that nothing could be fostered. I'm sorry that I observed you, too sad to touch and play for knowledge that it would soon be as if it had never been. I'm sorry I made you a loss, you are not a loss. You are a gain in every sense.
How wonderful that we can love even when they're gone.
My grief plastered to my body, the heaviness of the last moments making me cling to every second-I did not move, I did not dare, for fear that my facade be broken, my face would shrivel up and tears puddle under my chin. "It's the last moment, the last one, I love you, I didn't know you like I wanted, I will miss you deeply." Useless. Anyone could see if they saw but they didn't.
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