When Good Mothers Die (I think this one is optimistic)

When good mothers die:

Everything breaks. It all goes to shit, really, it does.

You wonder how you are still breathing every second past her passing... she was your life, she created you, bore you so how, HOW are you still here without her?! It is as if God, our creator, suddenly disappeared forever, we would question everything, we would ask: how are we still here?

You have a crisis when you're all alone, screaming and crying because, holy shit, presumably your life is still so long and how are you going to fill the time without her....

When good mothers die:

You begin to see all that she left you and how much she loved you.

You begin to see, also, the cracks, those empty spaces in others forged not by death but by mothers never had, mothers gone before they lived, mothers undeserving of the title.

You begin to see again and again how rare, how unique her beauty and her love. How she died but never left you.

She could never leave you. Impossible.

When good mothers die:

You see her love, you realize you know how to love. You realize all your capacities for beauty, comfort, patience, acceptance. You can spread light because she taught you how.

You see her love and know you can be strong for others, for yourself.

When good mothers die:

You mourn everything.

You grieve for people you've just met. You love so hard and fast it makes no sense and hurts so much.

You learn you have to let it all go, slowly. You can't hold onto love tangibly; letting those you met one month ago roam onwards without much of a public fuss.

When good mothers die:

You fuck up all the time.

Every decision is wrong until it is already decided and then it is alright.

You learn. You grow more than you ever thought you could. Quickly, too. At the speed of light even though time seems to have stopped.

You trust others. You find other mothers. You find other people who nurture you, and you appreciate them. You appreciate oh so much.

When good mothers die:

You find you will never be alone.

You find her. You will always have her.

Forever she is gone, forever you are together.