I'm standing on the precipice. Looking back makes me shudder, looking down is looking into the depths of my only next. What they tell you is a lie; it really is linear. Not the universe, but you. You can only create straight lines, a law of being human.
My inevitable fall will cause the cliff to rise between here and there--it is unstoppable. But standing here, at the edge of tomorrow, I know I can no longer walk the thin line of indecision. My fate is to follow the path as long as it leads, and then some. For what are we to do in life when our time moves interminably faster than our Earth's? The mountain cannot crawl forward at your speed. At some point you fall or you turn back. I vowed never to turn back the first day I felt freedom. So now, I'm looking for you.
The one who will push me so that I never have to blame myself for regret. You will lead me into my own future, telling me, "nothing is going to be alright. And that's okay."
It won't last, I know. As the impact will be disorienting enough that I will lose everything for awhile. The chaos will enter and all that I now hold will be dropped or shattered. But still...
I want your lips on my every particle to shake my soul, reminding my core of the forces from which it came--the Earth shattering, the cosmos erupting. Kiss me into submission, knowing I am born of an endless cycle of violent destruction. So don't fear it, little one.
I want you to leave me. I want you to run from me. I want you to know that forward is the only way to go. I want to feel like collapsing and push onward, after you, legs bursting with endless motion, feet curling into the ground, drawing up energy, like straws, from the Earth.
I want you to cut the ties of my balloons without asking and smile as I watch them rise away from me forever, cursing you with tears in my eyes, "they were all I ever had!"
You will spit in my face, calling me captor.
I want hot breath caressing my ear, whispering regrets and not caring. "I regret leaving her. I regret standing still. I regret trusting. I regret losing. I regret fucking. I regret that death. I regret the way I never said goodbye. I regret that I still try. I regret the motion of my emotions, how they never seem to be at the right place at the right time. But now I'm here, smelling the sweet fragrance of the residue on your hair, and none of that matters. Not because I love you. But because this is all there is and regret is just a fragment. Nothing you find will ever be whole long enough for our sweet, slow eyes to capture." You will tell me it is all part of the beauty, both for and because of.
Hyper speed, my dear. You know I'm entering the vortex from which I can never return. Load me like a slingshot, I'll never be ready so please, release me.
"Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
and we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
for the children, they mark, and the children, they know,
the place where the sidewalk ends. "
-Shel Silverstein
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